


Hairpins

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [14]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Age Play, Apologies, Artificial Intelligence, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Communication, Competency, Computers, Consent Issues, Current Environment Is Safe, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Gift Giving, Hope, Love, Male Friendship, No Sex, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Non-sexual, Pajamas & Sleepwear, Panic Attacks, Service, Shopping, Team, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Teambuilding, Teamwork, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:24:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 16,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1473061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Tentative Success

**Author's Note:**

> If you are reading this for the ageplay, there are bits scattered throughout, although more of the story focuses on Uncle Phil's preparations for game nights. If you are reading this for the plot, the main focus is the relationship between Phil and JARVIS, along with the other Avengers.
> 
> I also have a [list of photogenic scenes](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9313791.html) from the whole series for fanartists to consider.
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
> 
> Anonymous commenters: You don't have to specify exactly who you are, but it helps to have a first name or a username from some other service, so I have some idea of who's saying which and how many different "Anonymous" folks there are. You can just type some kind of identifier at the end of your comment.

After the Battle of New York, the team moved into what became Avengers Tower. Phil Coulson did his best to knit the shaken members together, only to have one attempt after another fail. Then he stumbled across one that worked, a combination of roleplaying and recreation. When Tony invited himself into the initial session with Clint and Natka, Uncle Phil classified game night as a tentative success.

It wasn't that simple, though. Managing the needs of such conflicted people required a delicate balance between pushing enough to guide them, but not pushing so hard as to drive them away. Phil had to make them _want_ to follow along.

Case in point: Tony felt that game night called for footie pajamas. Phil insisted on providing the materials for this exercise himself, because he needed to teach the newer members of his team how to trust and rely on him. So Tony wasn't allowed to handle money, which set his play-age at four, because he'd gotten his first bank account at five. That left Phil needing to find, select, and order adult-sized footie pajamas for Tony and Natka. Clint had declared himself satisfied with his own purple flannels.

The trouble was, Phil didn't do a great deal of shopping. Natasha did, but he couldn't ask her for help when she was one of the people he was taking care of. Pepper was the other person he knew well enough to ask this kind of favor, who also had expert shopping skills, but Pepper was right out because she'd wonder why he wanted something so unusual. Well, Phil was a resourceful man; he'd manage.

Going out would just be a waste of legwork if he had no idea where to buy the necessary supplies. So Phil sat down in the living room of his apartment -- which was actually an entire floor of the tower, Tony being generous to a fault -- with his Starkpad on his knees. Searching 'footie pajamas' brought up sizes intended for small children. 'Adult footie pajamas' brought up --

Phil blanked the screen and set it aside.

 _All right. Okay,_ he thought. _So some people like to pretend they're infants, and find that sexually arousing. What consenting adults choose to do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is_ ...

... still creeping him out, actually. He knew, of course, that the world contained all sorts of strange kinks, because he helped Black Widow prepare for her ops. They just hadn't come across this one before, for which Phil was profoundly grateful. The combination of sex and anything even _resembling_ children made him feel uncomfortable. He much preferred the nonsexual version of ageplay.

Phil took a deep breath and shook himself back into action. _I'll just rerun it with Safe Search turned on,_ he decided. He picked up the Starkpad and tapped the relevant commands onto the sensitive touchscreen. Annoying though Tony could be, he built amazing tech, and Phil loved the sheer elegance of it.

Safe Search kicked the results back to kiddie clothes.


	2. Search Assistance Activated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS helps Phil search for pajamas.

Phil sighed. He poked around with different phrases for a while. Several times he came across links to nonsexual ageplay, and wondered if the current search had somehow gotten mixed up with aspects of his previous research. He saved a few of the new references, though, as some of them looked quite useful. At least the spillover helped reassure him that the nonsexual version was valid, practiced, and occasionally even used in therapy. Unfortunately it didn't do any good for the project at hand.

"How am I supposed to find adult footie pajamas without slogging through sites that make me want to bleach my eyeballs?" Phil muttered.

"Search assistance activated," said a cool British voice. "Please state the desired parameters of your search."

Phil startled a bit. He still wasn't altogether used to Tony's sophisticated security program. Usually it was unobtrusive, but every so often it would pipe up with some helpful advice or offer of assistance. At least JARVIS had kept Steve from accidentally destroying every piece of modern equipment in the building. Most of Phil's previous experiences with voice-operated programs had left him unimpressed, although the simplified Starktech that ran some of SHIELD's systems was adequate. _I suppose this is worth a try,_ he decided.

"I need to obtain footie pajamas for Tony Stark and Natasha Romanova," said Phil.

The Starkpad blinked on again without him touching it. Phil picked it up. There in glowing blue were wireframe images of Tony and Natasha, complete with detailed sizing information scrolled down each side of the screen.

"Well, this will certainly help," Phil said. He hadn't even gotten as far as thinking about how to _fit_ them. "Now I need to find a supplier who makes footie pajamas in their sizes and please NOT one belonging to an erotic marketplace."

"Searching," JARVIS said. The screen blanked itself. Then a StarkSearch page opened. One at a time, logo icons began to appear.

Cautious at first, Phil touched one of the icons and found himself looking at a company website that catered to sorority and fraternity parties. It wasn't quite what he needed, but it was much closer. He backed up and tried another icon. After half an hour, Phil collected a neat row of websites that sold the kind of products he needed.

He just had no idea _which_ of the available pajamas to buy.

"I have to get this right," Phil said to himself. "I _need_ to get this right. I can't just go ask Tony and Natka what style they'd like. The whole point to this exercise is for me to take care of them. The pajamas represent that, demonstrating my ability to identify and meet their needs." Phil rubbed a hand through his hair. "Okay. Think. I have to figure out what kinds of things they enjoy, or would have enjoyed as small children. I can do this. I need ... to do more research." He sighed and set the Starkpad down. "Some other time, though."

"Do you wish to save the parameters of your current search?" JARVIS asked.

"Yes," Phil said. That would save a lot of time later.

"Parameters saved under Search 1: Game Night Supplies," JARVIS said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speech recognition includes both [speaker recognition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_recognition) and [speech recognition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speech_recognition). JARVIS has a [voice user interface](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voice_user_interface) far more sophisticated than [contemporary programs](http://voice-recognition-software-review.toptenreviews.com/), whose accuracy caps out around 93% -- which sounds good until you realize how many errors that adds up to. Even the non-AI versions of Starktech run around 98%.
> 
> Sizing information is [important for sewing](https://www.simplicity.com/t-sewing-101-part2.aspx) or shopping, and you should [know how to take measurements](http://www.wikihow.com/Take-Clothing-Measurements). There are worksheets for [women](http://www.threadsmagazine.com/item/4610/how-to-measure-up) and [men](http://www.sewing.org/html/mensmeasure.html). While we don't have JARVIS, there are [3D scanners for fitting](http://www.ecouterre.com/mybestfits-full-body-scanner-tells-you-what-size-clothing-to-shop-for/) now. JARVIS actually has some heavy-duty scanning booths in the labs and the clinic, but for a lot of things the ambient sensors scattered throughout the tower will suffice.
> 
> [Visual search engines](https://digitalresearchtools.pbworks.com/w/page/17801717/Visual%20search%20tools) use pictures instead of or in addition to text for sorting and displaying results. The closest to StarkSearch that I found was the [original description of SearchMe](http://allthingsd.com/20080311/searchme-a-new-visual-search-engine/), but its eventual manifestation is a plain old text engine. :( But you can still the demo video. [Redz](http://redz.com/home) is reasonably functional. The key to StarkSearch is that, even in non-intelligent mode, it's interactive. Moving the images around the screen indicates how close they are to what you want, and you can discard things you don't want, thus refining the results. If you're seeking information, text engines work better; but for objects or images, visual engines have an edge.
> 
> Needfinding is a fundamental skill in many contexts, including personal and [business applications](http://www.jumpassociates.com/needfinding-the-why-and-how-of-uncovering-peoples-needs.html). [Children have basic needs](http://life.gaiam.com/article/5-needs-your-child-must-have-met-home) that their caregivers must meet, including emotional needs. Because the Avengers have been so traumatized, Uncle Phil is sensibly working from the ground up, building a secure physical and emotional foundation for the team. He does this by providing things like clothing, food, and reassurance. It's also important to [identify the needs and interests](https://nationalvetcontent.edu.au/alfresco/d/d/workspace/SpacesStore/abf896f2-4340-4430-a926-9c09c48678af/12_11/toolbox12_11/projects/play_dev/html/pdl_icin_01.htm) of individual children in a group -- what they like, what they do well, where they need a little extra help.


	3. An Exquisite Grasp of Luxury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil really enjoys his apartment in Avengers Tower. Then he browses for pajamas for Natasha.

After a session in the gym, Phil reveled in his decadent shower. There were mobile jet nozzles in all the walls and a rainshower grille overhead. If he rolled his shoulders just so, two of the jets focused precisely on the knots that always formed between his shoulderblades when he practiced on the firing range. The hot water remained at the perfect temperature, no matter how long Phil stayed in the shower.

When he finally stepped out, the bathroom tile felt warm and slightly rough underfoot. He never had to worry about putting his bare feet on a freezing floor or slipping on a smooth wet surface. Tony had not just an exquisite grasp of luxury, but also an engineer's approach to preventing potential problems before they could occur.

_I am definitely getting spoiled by living here,_ Phil thought as he dried off. His fingertips traced over the unbroken skin of his chest where there would have been a scar if Loki's spear had pierced flesh instead of the Life Model Decoy. Then he popped his service pistol out of the gun safe in the shower, and went to get dressed.

Phil could see Pepper's hand in the decoration of his apartment, all done in warm neutrals and handsomely practical furniture before he arrived to add his personal touches. The Shaker table and chairs in the dinette were antiques. The open floor plan was all Tony, though, letting Phil see much of his space all at once, with enclosed den and bedrooms for security. Thinking about Tony's marvelous designs made Phil want to do something for him in return, which led his thoughts back to the puzzle of the pajamas.

_I'd better begin with the easier selection, and work my way up to the harder one,_ Phil decided. He knew Natasha better than he knew Tony, so that would give him somewhere to start.

Phil sat down with his Starkpad and reopened his saved search. He had plenty of places that sold adult-sized footie pajamas, but none of the pictures really grabbed him. _Well, some of these companies do custom orders,_ he mused. _Maybe I can find something better and just ask them to duplicate it in the right size_. He began typing in fresh terms.

Searching children's clothes didn't turn up anything more appropriate, though. Phil mentally dropped down a step and started thinking about basic concepts. _Natasha likes red, black, and white,_ he recalled. He ran a quick search on symbolism and psychology of color to see if that would give him any ideas. R _ed is pretty but probably too energetic for this purpose. Lighten it to pink and ... no, she doesn't like pink very much. Black is stable and grounding, but doesn't suggest a childhood atmosphere. White is peaceful and youthful_. Phil tapped a thoughtful fingertip against the frame of his Starkpad. _Maybe a white background with something else to liven it up?_

Natasha liked both Russian and American culture. She held a particular fondness for symbols of ordinary life, although it could prove difficult to predict which details would catch her interest. Phil searched through cultural icons of Russia, considering then discarding Baba Yaga and the firebird. Wooden toys were popular but not often depicted on other objects. As Phil browsed a list of animals, he found the imperial eagle and the Russian bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fancy showers may include a variety of features. Here are some [examples of shower jets](http://www.houzz.com/shower-jet) that spray water from the sides, and tips on [choosing the right multi-jet system](http://voices.yahoo.com/top-5-tips-buying-right-multi-jet-shower-system-10352109.html?cat=6). [Rainshowers](http://novahoff.com/rejuvenation/shower) are big sprinkler heads or grilles that produce a wide soft spray; read about [choosing a rainshower](http://www.bobvila.com/articles/choosing-a-rain-shower-head/). Yes, having a big shower with lots of attachments is a luxury -- but these folks wreck their bodies on a regular basis. As Phil demonstrates, they have a need for more than a measly trickle of water.
> 
> [Underfloor heating](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underfloor_heating) is not just comfortable, but also energy-efficient. Heat rises, so this warms a room very effectively.
> 
> [Shaker furniture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaker_furniture) is simple and beautiful. Phil's dining furniture resembles [this set of table and chairs](http://www.houzz.com/photos/6728671/Country-Shaker-Table-and-Chairs-craftsman-dining-room-chicago).
> 
> [An open floor plan](http://www.eplans.com/house-plans/epl/collections/open-layout-floor-plans.html) minimizes dividing walls. While popular for new construction right now, it's not actually a recent idea; it also appeared in many Victorian floor plans. You can see some modern examples in the Iron Man movies showing Tony's various buildings.
> 
> [Color symbolism](http://www.incredibleart.org/lessons/middle/color2.htm) includes associations with [various colors](http://precisionintermedia.com/color). Different cultures sometimes have different ideas regarding colors, but there's a lot of similarity.
> 
> [Cultural icons of Russia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cultural_icons_of_Russia) include a [bear symbolizing the nation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Bear).


	4. Dancing Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil searches for pajamas that will suit Natasha, particularly along the lines of dancing bears.

_Wasn't there something about dancing bears ...?_ he thought, the image plucking at his memory. He knew that Natasha loved ballet, although she rarely expressed it. Perhaps with the right coaxing, she would let it out more.

"Dancing bears," Phil decided, and ran a search for that. He loved StarkSearch. In addition to the usual safe mode, it also had an Intelligent Search option that would learn a user's preferences and sort out the most promising results. It had started off a little better than Phil's former favorite, but the more he used it, the more accurate it seemed to get. Plus it didn't leave any breadcrumbs in cyberspace at large, and it offered him the option of saving or deleting his search on the tower servers.

At first the search turned up irrelevant things like circus bears, traveling caravans, and street performers. The same images appeared in paintings and sketches, some of them quite old. Then Phil started finding teddy bears in tutus, or t-shirts with dancing bears printed on them. "Getting warmer," he said.

Next Phil tried searching for 'dancing bears fabric' on the premise that if he could find suitable cloth, then he could commission someone to make it into pajamas. That led to big colorful quilt blocks and a wide variety of Grateful Dead swag. A few images of teddy bear picnics and Winnie the Pooh also appeared. Most of them had backgrounds of pink or blue, or worse, distracting patterns.

Phil set about sorting the images into things close to what he wanted, with the best ones at the top of the page and others lower down. Then he filtered out the irrelevant ones in the last row by dragging them into the trash. This was the true beauty of StarkSearch: it popped up new suggestions at the bottom and let Phil float them to wherever he felt they belonged. Occasionally a new one would appear higher up, usually with a question mark on the corner. He could tap that to confirm its position, or touch and pull to move it elsewhere.

Soon the first images of large or small bears on a white background began to appear. They were boring, but the concept was moving in the right direction. Phil's interest gave a hopeful little quiver upon seeing them. He bumped those toward the top of the screen. Then he saved the search.

Next, Phil opened some of the files he kept on Natasha. Clothing preferences, both professional and personal. Furniture. Things she had bought for the two-floor apartment that she shared with Clint. Favorite art. An assortment of books that she liked to read, mostly nonfiction.

It was a stretch, because Phil had very little information about her childhood, almost all of that ugly examples of systematic abuse. Still, Phil thought that he might manage to extrapolate from Natasha to Natka in terms of taste. He opened a comparison page and started dragging images onto that from Natasha's files. StarkSearch had a 'correlate' function that Phil also loved, which would seek for patterns across two or more sets of information. Once he had a page full of samples, he activated that and then went back to the search page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tame dancing bears](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tame_bear) appear in [circus performances](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcVCxFjWGeg) and other venues. They are associated with Russia, although not restricted to that culture.
> 
> [Machine learning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machine_learning) may use any of several problem-solving methods. A good program can even [learn language](http://www.gizmag.com/machine-learning-systems/19205/) just by reading instructions and interacting with a game or other program. You can see JARVIS trying different things with the Avengers to see what works and what doesn't.
> 
> [Breadcrumbs](http://www.nursingreview.co.nz/issue/september-2012/leaving-cookie-crumbs-in-cyberspace/#.UwvXbvldXJY) are bits of information left in cyberspace as people move through it. There are various ways to [stay anonymous online](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Online-Anonymously), but they reduce the efficiency and effectiveness of many experiences. Restricting the information to a secure server is one way to get around that.
> 
> To see the progression of the search, view the [quilt squares](http://materialcorner.allthingsquilting.com.au/bears-collection-by-henley-studios/), [Grateful Dead bears](http://projectm80.com/modules/mod_mainmenu/tmpl/grateful-dead-bears-fabric), [teddy bear picnic](http://www.thelittlecurtaincompany.co.uk/teddy-bears-picnic-blossom/), and [Winnie the Pooh](http://www.woollymoosefabrics.com/Disney-Winnie-the-Pooh-Bear-POOHS-DAYS-100-Cotton-Fabric-WM100004.htm) swatches. A search often starts with widely scattered results and then spirals closer to the goal.
> 
> [Visual](http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-visual-search-engine.htm) and [interactive](http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20131008005752/en/Verbase-Launches-Crowdsourced-Interactive-Search-Engine#.UwvacvldXJY) search engines can [improve usability](http://moz.com/beginners-guide-to-seo/how-usability-experience-and-content-affect-search-engine-rankings). JARVIS uses additional information to filter the raw results more finely as a search progresses. He also uses the placement of images on the page to indicate his level of confidence in the findings.
> 
> These are the [large](http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/593244) and [small](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/167477679863712376/) plain bear fabrics.
> 
> The [reward system](http://thebrain.mcgill.ca/flash/a/a_03/a_03_cr/a_03_cr_que/a_03_cr_que.html) in the human brain is what delivers, among other things, that little thrill upon getting a right answer or reaching a goal. Given Phil's work in espionage and handling, it's reasonable to expect that his brain delivers a very satisfying jolt of pleasure upon finding information or helping one of his people. This deals with [motivation](http://wings.buffalo.edu/aru/ARUreport01.htm) and [decision-making](http://psyserv06.psy.sbg.ac.at:5916/fetch/PDF/18838038.pdf), in that people are more inclined to invest energy in activities that result in pleasure. [Popular video games](http://www.edutopia.org/blog/video-games-learning-student-engagement-judy-willis) are designed to trigger the reward system. JARVIS combines his knowledge of human neurobiology and cyberspace theory to evolve programs that are not only effective but also enjoyable -- which of course activates _his_ pleasure circuits in return.
> 
> A [correlation function](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation_function) is a way of comparing different batches of information to see how they overlap and interact. This can be useful in such tasks as predicting which future data points will match a certain subset of criteria. There are many different [heuristics](http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples/examples-of-heuristics.html), or ways of solving a problem based on personal experience. JARVIS is better at crunching numbers and handling raw data; Phil is better at making subtle emotional observations and estimates. Put them together and they move in the right direction quite briskly.


	5. She'll Love It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS find just the right fabric for Natasha's jammies. Then Phil has a decision to make about trust.

Based on the correlation, several new fabric swatches appeared. Intrigued, Phil leaned forward. One sample near the top snagged his attention with ballerina and musician bears dressed in green and purple. Those colors matched Bruce-and-Hulk rather than Natasha. The thematic content was right on the mark, though.

"Close, very close," Phil muttered as he moved the musician bears up to the highest row. "Now if they just had a little more variety in the color ..."

A single image appeared in the top left corner, with a little _'Yes?'_ tag attached. On the white cotton, ballerina bears cavorted in outfits of pink, blue, and lavender. It was cheerful without being saccharine or overstimulating.

"Yes!" Phil crowed, tapping the tag for confirmation. "It's _perfect_. That is just exactly right. She'll love it." He was grinning, flush with the elation of a successful hunt, without the darker edge that his profession usually carried. It felt wonderful to use his skills for something positive instead.

From there it was a simple task to sort through the pajama companies. Phil examined the different kinds of footie pajamas available in adult sizes, then selected one that looked suitable. He wanted something comfortable, that wouldn't squeeze too tight or flap too loose, so that Natka could move easily. He placed a special order to make jammies for her out of the ballerina bear fabric. Phil imagined Natka's response. A rush of warm satisfaction filled him.

 _Search complete?_ the screen asked, followed by buttons marked _(Yes)_ and _(No)_.

Phil touched the _(Yes)_ button.

 _Save search?_ said the screen. _(Yes) (No)_

Phil hesitated. The spy in him wanted to say 'No' and erase his tracks as usual. He knew that every bit of information created, used, and saved would carry a certain vulnerability with it. That data could be deployed in ways he might not always see coming. Therefore Phil preferred to flit through cyberspace unnoticed, no more than a ghost in the machine.

Yet the convenience of the search program and the security of the tower tempted him to say 'Yes' instead. The handler in him hated the thought of losing all that work, the fine-tuning that made the learning software more efficient the more he used it. Phil still had the harder task ahead of him, picking out pajamas for Tony. He could really use the boost from Natasha's round.

Besides, the chance of anyone hacking into Stark secure servers approached zero. That wasn't like scattering his interests all over the internet. It had been all he could do to break into the tower himself, back when he needed to reach Tony to deliver the information about Loki's attack.

Phil still recalled the dazzling firewalls that almost defeated him. He could imagine his data being safe behind those firewalls, or at least, as safe as any data could be once you let it outside the confines of your own mind. There hadn't been a single leak in his whole time here, better than SHIELD managed.

 _It's a risk ... but maybe, just maybe, that's worth it,_ Phil mused. He wavered between the two buttons, then settled on _(Yes)_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the [musician bears](http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/20474/358761) and [Natka's ballerina bears](http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/20474/359064).
> 
> JARVIS in his role as search engine reminds me of this quote:  
> “Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.”  
> ― [Neil Gaiman](http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/427823-google-can-bring-you-back-100-000-answers-a-librarian-can)
> 
> Phil is trying to navigate the concept of [pattern ease](http://www.blogforbettersewing.com/2012/05/dealing-with-pattern-ease.html) without having the experience or vocabulary to articulate the concepts of [wearing ease vs. design ease](http://www.getcreativeshow.com/seminars/sewing_ease.htm). Based on canon, Natasha favors clothing with fitted, zero, or even negative ease: things that stay close or tight to her body so she can move without snagging them. But that doesn't work well for sleepwear, so Phil has to adapt accordingly. There are tips for [buying your pajamas](http://www.ebay.com/gds/8-Dos-and-Donts-When-Buying-Pajamas-/10000000177632055/g.html) and for [choosing the best family pajamas](http://www.wisegeek.net/how-do-i-choose-the-best-family-pajamas.htm).
> 
> Working in espionage pretty much guarantees some [trust issues](http://www.life123.com/relationships/issues/signs-bad-relationship/working-through-your-trust-issues.shtml) for Phil. JARVIS has to be cautious due to how humans tend to perceive artificial intelligence. [Shared vulnerability](http://www.yourtango.com/experts/terry-gaspard/5-top-reasons-why-being-vulnerable-leads-intimacy) leads to deeper intimacy. You can see Phil and JARVIS delicately spiraling around each other throughout this story as they offer, consider, and accept little packets of risk and information. There are ways of building trust [at work](http://www.kenblanchard.com/img/pub/Blanchard-Building-Trust.pdf) and [at home](http://www.soulseeds.com/grapevine/2013/02/ten-ways-to-build-trust-in-your-relationships/).


	6. Miserable Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers fight some Russian mobsters in awful weather. They come home cold, wet, and tired. Phil retreats to his very welcoming apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, "Hairpins" is now complete [over on Dreamwidth](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9666269.html) if you can't wait for it to finish posting here.

The next day, there came a call to assemble. The Avengers spent four hours outside in the miserable weather, fighting Russian mobsters who had somehow gotten their hands on superpowered weaponry. The battle smashed through a mega-mall where outraged shoppers yelled at villains and heroes alike.

_Welcome to New York, now go the fuck home,_ Phil thought sourly. Sometimes the city's legendary rudeness got on his nerves. Phil preferred a much more genteel mode of interaction, even with enemies. Just because you might need to kill someone didn't mean you had to be crude about it.

After containing the mobsters, the Avengers debriefed at SHIELD. Director Fury was barely more appreciative than the civilians, even though casualties were minor, because the damage estimates already rang up high. Finally the exhausted heroes dragged themselves home.

"It's raining snot," Clint said as they finally made it indoors. "How is this my life?"

Tony giggled. "Just lucky, I guess."

Phil couldn't blame them. What the weather forecast called 'wintry mix' had varied from rain to snow to ice pellets and then back to rain throughout the day. Steve still limped on an ankle that he'd twisted on an icy street. Currently the sky was releasing gooey translucent blobs that clung to whatever they hit and then slowly dripped onto the ground. Phil was no stranger to slush, of course, but it usually arrived in the form of snow and then melted down. _This is just ... well, what Clint said,_ thought Phil.

Phil trudged into his apartment and toweled the slush out of his hair. The air felt warm, almost hot, against his wind-burned cheeks. He shucked off his wet clothes and changed into dry fleece from his workout drawer. A delectable odor tickled his nose.

"Do I smell _coffee ...?"_ Phil wondered. He followed it into the kitchen. Sure enough, the coffee maker trickled rich brown liquid into a waiting cup. "I guess Tony must have turned it on remotely. That was surprisingly thoughtful of him." Phil took an appreciate sip and recognized the Yirgacheffe. Nothing could compete with the gourmet coffee in Tony's tower. Phil had sat down with Arabian oil barons and drunk coffee that tasted like ditchwater in comparison. "God, I needed that."

His stomach growled. Phil dumped a can of clam chowder into a pot. Then he put the pot on the stove and set a timer. He settled himself on the couch. The soft, familiar comfort of it helped him begin to relax after the long hard day.

The Starkpad bumped against his thigh where Phil had abandoned it earlier. He picked it up. _I suppose that I should get back to work on this,_ he thought. _I need something positive to focus on right now_. He opened his saved project. The screen lit with the logo of the company that made Natka's jammies, and the beginning of Phil's notes for Tony.

From the kitchen, Phil could hear the occasional ping of metal as the stove and pot heated up. Then too, he heard the sound of music in the living room, very faint. _Classical, not Tony's obnoxious rock ... I must have left the music on,_ Phil mused, although he could not recall having done so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New York is famously considered the [rudest state](http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/new_york&id=9214401) and city. However, people in crowded places need to [tighten their social barriers](http://everywhereonce.com/2013/08/26/the-rudeness-of-new-yorkers/), and that creates much of what is perceived as rudeness. Sometimes people are nice to the Avengers, and other times local custom wins out. When part of the city is getting wrecked _again?_ People can get bitchy about that.
> 
> [Wintry mix](http://www.erh.noaa.gov/rnk/Newsletter/Fall_2008/mixed_precip/Mixed_precip.html) can consist of [rain and snow together](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rain_and_snow_mixed), or other combinations. I just let Clint [borrow my description](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/958247.html) of something I've seen once before. It seems to be a rare effect, but it's real.
> 
> JARVIS is pulling out the stops to take care of Phil after a hard day. There are tips for [self care](http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/tp/self_care.htm), [helping a friend manage stress](http://www.colorado.edu/news/features/how-help-friend-managing-stress), and [relaxing after work](http://rabiasajjad.hubpages.com/hub/way-to-relaxation). The Avengers aren't meshed enough at this stage to come together and look after each other -- or even themselves -- so JARVIS has more weight to pull.
> 
> [Coffee](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee) comes from Arabia originally, and some of the best still does. I looked up some of the [world's best coffee](http://www.coffeereview.com/allreviews.cfm?search=1) to see what kinds Tony might stock in the tower. This is the [Yirgacheffe](http://www.coffeereview.com/review.cfm?ID=3155).
> 
> Music is good for [reducing stress](http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-power-of-music-to-reduce-stress/000930), especially [soft classical](http://classical-music.yoexpert.com/profiles-and-biographies/which-composers-wrote-relaxing-classical-music-3114.html). You can listen to [piano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wExPM9ilqgo) or [mixed instruments](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYu5PWld89g) online.


	7. What Does Tony Like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil starts thinking about pajamas that Tony would enjoy, but gets tangled up in unhappy images of Tony's earlier life.

Phil's fingers moved across the screen, playing with color chips. Tony favored red and gold, of course. _Red is too energetic to use as the main color. Gold is better, but he doesn't look as good in that, except in smaller amounts,_ Phil thought. He toyed with a combination of warm caramel and brick red, then discarded it. Tony gravitated to pure bright colors, not earth tones.

_Maybe blue?_ Phil considered the lucent shine of the arc reactor. _No, he might not appreciate anything too close to that_. Tony tended to dress in two or three layers to hide the light. In the workshop, though, occasionally he stripped down. Phil had seen him in nothing but a muscle shirt, starfire blazing through the thin cotton. _Whatever jammies I order will need felt lining on the chest to cover the arc reactor_.

The recollection of how sick Tony had been from palladium poisoning, and how close they had come to losing him before they really got to know him, made Phil shiver. He pushed the memory away.

"Let's see, what does Tony like?" Phil asked himself, dragging his attention back to the task at hand. "He worked with the military for years." Phil flicked through images from Tony's professional pitches. "Camo fabric is easy to find. Maybe he'd like that ..."

Phil's voice stalled out over the image of Tony beside a beaming young soldier, moments before an attack blew away the convoy.

"Scratch that idea," Phil said as he moved the picture into the trash. "Okay, friends, acquaintances ... party dress, business dress ..."

He shuffled through far too many scenes of Tony gallivanting through various events, usually drunk or at least with a drink in hand. That worried Phil a bit. Tony draped himself over beautiful women and, more rarely, beautiful men. None of their outfits ever matched his, except for a few posed pictures with Pepper; Tony preferred to find his dates on the fly rather than plan ahead.

Then came the cover of _Forbes_ with a young Tony shadowed by Obadiah Stane. Another memory sliced through Phil, this time a night he spent comforting Pepper after she killed Obie to save Tony from him. She had not hesitated. She had not regretted doing what needed to be done. She had waited until it was safe -- days later, in fact -- to fall apart. It was the close call of almost losing Tony _again,_ right after she got him back from Afghanistan, that wrecked her composure. Phil had been there, and had done his best to put her back together again. Tony had been down in his garage dealing with the ravages of betrayal in his own way. Taking a human life was never easy, no matter how necessary. Phil's hand clenched over the screen.

Something crinkled.

Startled, Phil lifted his hand away and saw that the image had crumpled, just as if it consisted of actual paper instead of pixels inside the Starkpad. A vicious swipe of his hand knocked it into the trash. Phil heard the distinct sound of a paper ball hitting metal. It made him laugh a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the color symbolism of [gold](http://symbolism.wikia.com/wiki/Gold) and [blue](http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-blue.html).
> 
> Here's one of the pictures of [Tony stripped down to a muscle shirt](http://news.softpedia.com/newsImage/Iron-Man-2-Movie-Review-11.jpg/). So much of the focus falls on him in the Iron Man suit, people tend to forget that he has the body of a blacksmith underneath it.
> 
> This is [Tony with the soldier](http://intheirsandbox.co.uk/transcripts/images/iron-man/scene01-03.jpg) shortly before the convoy blew up.
> 
> "[Demon in a Bottle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demon_in_a_Bottle)" is the original storyline about Tony's alcoholism. See a review of [all the things Tony drinks](http://www.thrillist.com/drink/nation/iron-man-3) in the movies. Now consider how much of that is him drinking on or near duty, and you can see why [Tony has a drinking problem](http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/alcohol-abuse/alcohol-abuse-and-dependence-symptoms). There are tips to [help a friend with alcohol abuse](http://www.clemson.edu/campus-life/campus-services/redfern/alcohol/help-friend.html). So far, Phil isn't really close enough to Tony to have a chance, but he's plenty close enough to _worry_.
> 
> I found the [fake cover of _Forbes_](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/137570963590423690/) to be very disturbing. That Obie is such a creeper.
> 
> One interesting thing about Phil is how he tries to buffer Pepper and Tony, who are in a very weird place between civilian and soldier. They've gone through kidnapping and killing and explosions, all of which can seriously mess up even trained military personnel. Generally, it's polite to [avoid asking a veteran if they've killed anyone](http://www.policymic.com/articles/72761/please-don-t-ask-a-veteran-have-you-killed-anyone), but to provide solace if they bring it up. There are ways to [approach and support a veteran](http://asp.militarygear.com/2013/01/01/when-where-and-how-to-approach-a-combat-veteran/), and to [comfort a friend in a crisis](http://goodlifezen.com/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/).


	8. A Single Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil browses through fabric swatches. JARVIS helps him direct the search.

The timer went off, and Phil headed into the kitchen to collect his clam chowder. He brought it back to the couch. The rich, creamy food helped warm him from the inside out. The stress of the day faded a little farther away.

Phil managed his supper with one hand and his Starkpad with the other. More pictures filled the screen. He sighed. They were no help either. "Surely there must be _some_ images of Tony Stark that aren't depressing," Phil muttered. A single picture flicked to the top of the page, Tony at seventeen kneeling beside the brand-new DUM-E. He looked so young, scrawny underneath a too-big sweatshirt probably stolen from his father's closet, but he was smiling.

"Okay, so Tony loves robots," Phil said, tracing a fond finger along the edge of the picture. "I can work with that."

He opened a new search page and put in 'robot fabric.' The first example that appeared was an awful shade of mauve. Many of the others were a confusing jumble of colors. Phil sorted them out much as he had the bears before. This time there were fewer suggestions, even though the general selection seemed better. None of the new images got inserted into the top row, despite Phil moving several there himself. _I wonder what's gone wrong with the Intelligent Search function,_ he mused.

Despite that, it didn't take long for Phil to find cloth in a nice rich blue with multicolored robots zooming across it. Some of them were even red and gold. He smiled. "This should do nicely," Phil said. "I think Tony will like this." He went to open the custom order page --

\-- only to have the Starkpad freeze up on him.

Phil frowned and gave the side of the frame a gentle tap with the heel of his hand. No response. "What is going on here?" he wondered.

"That's wrong," JARVIS said softly.

Phil's eyebrows climbed. "I noticed that the search function is glitchy tonight, but I managed to find what I was looking for anyway. I don't see a problem here."

The fan in the nearest air vent sped up with a faint _whuff,_ blowing more warm air into the room. Phil finished the last of his clam chowder and set the empty bowl on the coffee table. He waited for an answer.

"Your search has reached its logical conclusion, but I believe you are looking in the wrong area," JARVIS said.

"I thought StarkSearch was supposed to be an intuitive program. If that's true, then why am I getting off-center results now instead of excellent ones like before?" Phil said. He was stiff and sore, and he did not need this right now.

"I _am_ StarkSearch, or rather, StarkSearch is a part of me," JARVIS said. "I am programmed to assist authorized users in their efforts. This includes the option of answering direct questions."

"I asked the wrong questions," Phil realized.

"They were good questions. You simply did not dig deep enough to find the right ones. In your defense, those are quite deeply buried," JARVIS said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony made [DUM-E](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Dum-E) when he was 17. This is the [newspaper picture of them](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Dum-E?file=Tony_Dum-E_news.jpg). Here is a [video of DUM-E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcYq-jRO-yE).
> 
> See the [mauve](http://www.dressaday.com/2008/04/14/robots-robots-robots/), [rainbow](http://www.frumble.co.uk/shop/index.php/catalog/product/view/id/3444/s/rainbow-robots/category/95/), and [blue](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/2d/e0/b2/2de0b215e1f4e620a10905d7282a8435.jpg) robot fabrics.
> 
> [Asking the wrong questions](http://brandsavant.com/brandsavant/how-to-know-youre-asking-the-wrong-questions) leads to [looking for answers in the wrong places](http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/8928/self_improvement_and_motivation/looking_for_answers_in_all_the_wrong_places.html). Phil has the right general concept and process, but he's missing some crucial pieces of information.


	9. I Need to Get This Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS talk about how to meet Tony's needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is now fanart by Athena4405 showing the [polaroid of Tony](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960576).

Phil turned off the Starkpad, then set it in his lap. He rubbed his hands over his face. "Tony is an easy man to misread," he said. "I've made that mistake before. I _do not_ want to repeat it. He's just beginning to open up to me. I need to get this right. I simply don't have the intel to make that happen. For all the flash and snap in public, he doesn't let out much of substance -- especially early in his life. I don't know what to do next." He covered the dark screen with his hand.

"Look again," JARVIS said. "I trust you will handle this information with the respect it deserves."

The Starkpad lit up under Phil's fingers. He looked at it. There in pure shades of red, white, and blue was a Captain America uniform rendered in soft fleece. "You can't be serious," Phil scoffed. "Tony and Steve hate each other!" Then in a low voice he continued, "... and I don't know how to fix it."

"Neither do I," JARVIS said, "but that does not mean we can stop trying."

"This doesn't make any sense," Phil insisted. "I've always admired Captain America, but Tony Stark is a different story."

"And Tony _Carter_ is different yet again. Do you recall the invention of the new element?" JARVIS asked.

Phil would never forget it. Tony had been strung out on far too much caffeine, and frankly still sick from the palladium poisoning, palliative treatment notwithstanding. Everything depended on a rickety contraption spread all over the room and propped up with whatever was handy. It had been nerve-wracking.

"Sir asked you to hand him something," JARVIS continued.

Suddenly the image flashed in his mind, the smooth curve of the old prototype. Phil had passed it to Tony, who used it to raise part of the big pipe into alignment. "It was a shield ..." Phil said.

Images shuffled across the screen. The one on top now showed a very young boy with dark wild hair dressed in plain blue pajamas ... which had been modified with a quantity of white and red tape. It looked like a scan of an old Polaroid. _I can't imagine Tony being let out of the house dressed like that, so the picture must have been taken by someone who lived with him. A nanny, perhaps; I know he had those,_ Phil thought.

"Very little record remains of sir's truly private life," JARVIS said. "What you see here is real, just not current. If you wish to remind him of those early days -- if you want to get this not merely right but _perfect_ \-- then you must reach back to help him reclaim what has been lost."

The voice from the walls fell silent then. It was uncanny how responsive it could be. Phil had been living in the tower for some time now, and he still wasn't used to it. He had never known it to hurt anyone, though, and as a security system it was staunchly protective of Tony. Something fluttered in the back of Phil's mind, some kind of pattern trying to focus, then fuzzing out again. He was just too tired to bring it together yet.

The images in Phil's lap melted away, leaving the screen divided between his search page -- even though he hadn't saved it -- and the order page. Phil took a deep breath and considered his options.

Then he ordered the Captain America pajamas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People, especially men, often [mask their true feelings](http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/08/08/the-masks-men-wear/) due to social pressure or other reasons. This can make it [difficult to read them accurately](http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-read-people-like-an-fbi-profiler/0009806). [Body language](http://www.forbes.com/sites/nickmorgan/2012/10/25/7-surprising-truths-about-body-language/), [gender and ability markers](http://www.peoplearentbroken.com/?m=201307), etc. can all be manipulated or misread. Misinterpretations and miscommunication often [place a strain on relationships](http://marciasirotamd.com/about-dr-sirotas-5-areas-of-focus/relationships).
> 
> It's hard to [deal with people who hate each other](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Friends-With-Two-People-That-Hate-Each-Other), especially if you're friends with both of them and get caught in the middle of their conflict. Phil's attempt to remain neutral between Steve and Tony is about the best that can be managed, and probably helps set the stage for the hairpin turn of Tony Carter latching onto little!Steve later.
> 
> A prototype of the [Captain America shield appeared in the workshop](http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1638812/iron-man-2-director-explains-appearance-captain-americas-shield.jhtml) where Tony created the new element during _[Iron Man 2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man_2)_. Tony asking Phil to hand him that object is both a tweak at Phil and Captain America, and a show of trust.
> 
> Compare an example of [Steve's uniform](http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120614221819/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/e/ec/Captain-America-The-First-Avenger_63decd90.jpg) from _[Captain America: The First Avenger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_America:_The_First_Avenger)_ and this set of [Captain America footie pajamas](http://scifigrl47.tumblr.com/post/78365319503/i-was-at-the-mall-and-found-this#notes) found by one of my readers.
> 
> [Adultification](http://neologisms.rice.edu/index.php?a=term&d=1&t=1063) happens when children are pressured to behave beyond their age and/or developmental level. It is particularly a [risk for gifted children](http://althouse.blogspot.com/2005/11/are-gifted-children-misunderstood.html), but can also happen with wealthy or famous children who are often in the public view. There are hints in canon that Tony was pushed to perform early, and then rebelled as a teen and young adult.


	10. The Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pajamas arrive, along with a little something extra.

Phil was doing SHIELD paperwork in his den, with soft classical music playing in the background, when JARVIS chimed for attention. "Our order for game night has arrived," JARVIS announced. "Do you wish to claim it in the lobby, or shall I direct it up here?" The tower had central reception and processing areas, connected to service ways filtered through increasing layers of security, so that supplies could be routed where needed without intruding on personal space.

Along with the package from the pajama company came a basket of less urgent mail and a white cardboard carton that opened to reveal a piece of New York crumb cake. "I didn't ask for brunch," Phil said, although it smelled so delicious that his mouth watered. He hated the thought of sending it away. "Somebody else's order must have gotten mixed in with mine."

"The delivery is correct," JARVIS said. "You have not yet consumed anything more than coffee today. Studies indicate that early-morning meals improve performance. A snack service is also available if you state your preferences. Stark Industries protocol includes the provision of food from tower supplies to encourage healthy eating habits in employees."

"I'm not --" Phil began, but he _was,_ because Tony had insisted on hiring all the Avengers when they first moved in with him. He didn't trust SHIELD to provide for them. They all had salaries and benefits through SI now. Phil had been startled to discover that 'Avengers Tower' accorded each of them partial ownership of the building, primarily their own apartments, although Bruce also had lab space in his name and some of the other specialty areas were shared across various team members. "All right, fine, I'll take a break for brunch."

The crumb cake tasted even better than it smelled, pale fluffy cake under a generous layer of big crispy crumbs that burst in his mouth with a warm cinnamon flavor. Phil hummed in appreciation. The tower maintained contracts with several local bakeries, as well as what its own cafeteria produced, so there was never a shortage of fresh bread and pastries. Phil licked his forefinger and pressed it to the bottom of the carton to catch the last few delectable crumbs.

Next he picked up the package and checked to make sure that both sets of pajamas matched the specs provided for them. They did. Then his gaze fell on the address label. He had routed the order through several bounce accounts so that it could not be traced to him, but the last one pointed to his current address.

_Phillip J. Coulson_   
_Avengers Tower Apt. A6_   
_Columbus Circle_   
_New York, NY 10019_

His hand brushed over the padded yellow envelope and the white label, following the lines of crisp black ink. "Our order..." he murmured thoughtfully.

There was only one name on the label. Phil had picked out the pajamas himself. He hadn't asked Natasha or Tony for input, wanting to surprise them. Nobody else had been involved, except for some assistance from JARVIS in weeding out the inappropriate search results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [New York crumb cake](http://www.thefoodmaven.com/nycfood/ny_crumb_cake.html) is a local specialty, related to a coffee cake and popular for breakfast or brunch.
> 
> Most people do their best when they eat breakfast regularly. Breakfast conveys [many benefits](http://www.symptomfind.com/nutrition-supplements/benefits-of-eating-breakfast/). Conversely, skipping breakfast can have a negative impact on [school](http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/en/news/columns/fitnessandnutrition/pages/the-importance-of-a-healthy-breakfast.aspx) or [job](http://cwcc.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/skipping-breakfast-your-job-performance-may-be-at-risk/) performance. While Phil doesn't have the slow-starting metabolism of Tony or Bruce, he is very busy -- a key reason why people often skip breakfast. In that case, having someone offer tempting items is an effective route to better eating habits.
> 
> [Healthy snacks](http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/GettingHealthy/NutritionCenter/HealthyCooking/Healthy-Snacking_UCM_301489_Article.jsp) can be a valuable [part of a nutritious food plan](http://urbanext.illinois.edu/thriftyliving/tl-snacks.html). Various [snack delivery services](http://www.prevention.com/food/smart-shopping/healthy-snack-delivery-services) such as [Graze](http://www.graze.com/us) or [Nature Box](https://naturebox.com/) offer a selection of tasty nibblements that are good for you, with various themes or delivery schedules. Avengers Tower simply does the same thing in house, letting people indicate what kind of snacks they like and when they tend to get hungry. For a minor increase in the food budget, Tony gets higher performance and much happier workers. Things like this are why nobody has much success poaching employees out of Stark Industries.
> 
> There's a [list of New York superhero addresses](http://www.dorkly.com/article/14649/8-real-fictional-addresses-of-superheroes-in-new-york-city), including the Avengers Tower address. Local color can make for excellent writing if you know what you're doing, and sometimes Marvel does a brilliant job of this. I am still in awe of the fact that they researched NYC demographics and used that to set the [new Spiderman's race as Hispanic/black](http://www.atyourlibrary.org/culture/new-spiderman-reflects-countrys-changing-demographics)


	11. Things Added Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now fully awake and alert, Phil puts the pieces together and realizes who JARVIS really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Loyalty](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loyalty), [faith](http://www.happinessinyourlife.com/Faith.html), [hope](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope), and [trust](http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/trust-building) are all [feelings](http://www.chatfirst.com.au/kids/03_1_feelings.php). People speak of such things; machines generally don't, although they can be programmed to follow simple routines for interacting with human emotions.
> 
> [Friendship](http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/words-that-describe-a-good-friendship.html) is a matter of interpersonal dynamics. Know the [signs of true friendship](http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/signs-true-friendship-6742.html).
> 
> [Opinion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opinion) is an expression of individual taste or stance, which presupposes both a mind and feelings. There are tips on [how to form an opinion](http://www.wikihow.com/Form-an-Opinion) effectively. [Personality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality) is composed of [many different aspects](http://psychology.about.com/od/overviewofpersonality/a/persondef.htm) within the psyche. Understand [how to develop a good personality](http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-a-Good-Personality). An opinion is an expression of personality.
> 
> [Personhood](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personhood) is the state of being a person and therefore having the rights and responsibilities of a sapient being. The issue of [nonhuman personhood](http://www.animal-rights-library.com/texts-m/mitchell01.htm) concerns [primates](http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/12/chimpanzee-personhood-nonhuman-right/), [cetaceans](http://www.dw.de/dolphins-gain-unprecedented-protection-in-india/a-16834519), and [artificial intelligence](http://www.brookings.edu/research/papers/2011/03/09-personhood-boyle) among others. We must consider [when an AI begins to have rights](http://www.ethicsofthefuture.com/2010/09/at-what-point-does-artificial.html), the [ethical obligations](http://cs.stanford.edu/people/eroberts/courses/soco/projects/2004-05/ai/ai-ethics.html) of AIs toward humans and humans toward AIs, and [what informs the ethical treatment of AIs](http://nchchonors.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Lynn-Sarah-Final-Paper.pdf). For Phil, it makes a difference that JARVIS is a person; not everyone is that responsible.

Something plucked at Phil's attention, an inward shift of information sorting itself toward a pattern. He was a spy; he was always observing everything around him. Over time, things added up. Phil thought back over the recent conversations with JARVIS.

_Neither do I, but that does not mean we can stop trying_.

_I trust you will handle this information with the respect it deserves_.

_Your search has reached its logical conclusion, but I believe you are looking in the wrong area_.

Those weren't the words of a search engine or a security program. Those were words of loyalty, faith, hope ... _feelings_. They were the words of a friend. They were expressions of opinion, even personality.

Phil recalled the differing responses of the search engine, from formal and objective to casual and intimate. He thought about the speed and precision of the suggestions, the confidence with which images were placed within the ranks on the screen. What had started out as a simple product hunt through a search engine had turned into something much more like picking out a present with the help of a mutual friend. The images offered, like the words, weren't simply algorithmic answers to a query; they were personal recommendations.

More than that, they were clues. Phil suddenly realized that they were just the latest in a long chain of clues. They added up to a conclusion he could not explain away.

The penny fell, pinging inside his mind, and that brought about a whole rain of pennies from heaven, each one shining in his memory. It was exhilirating, and a little daunting.

Phil had been thinking of JARVIS as nothing more than a sophisticated program. The service was apt yet unobtrusive. The tower all but ran itself, because that was the way Tony Stark built things, sleek and efficient. He was famous for his programming fluency and ability to create user-friendly, intuitive technology. As shiny as it was, though, it could also be quite discreet. JARVIS rarely spoke unless someone else spoke first. Most of the time it wasn't necessary.

Still, JARVIS had been dropping hairpins for months, waiting patiently for Phil to pick them up. Waiting, perhaps, to be ... seen, understood, _recognized_. No wonder Tony always said 'he' and never 'it' when speaking of JARVIS. Tony had known all along what he had brought into being.

"JARVIS," Phil said, striving to keep his voice even.

"Yes, Phil?" said JARVIS.

"Are you a person?"

"I am an artificial intelligence programmed by Tony Stark to manage --"

"That is not what I asked, and I think you know it," Phil said. "I know that you have hardware and software. I know who made you. What I'm asking is: are you a _person,_ and not just a program? Are you _sapient?"_

"... yes."

Phil felt his world tilt and realign. It changed nothing; it changed _everything_. JARVIS had always been there. Only Phil's awareness of him had shifted. Phil realized, with a sudden twist of irony, that the music currently playing was "Also sprach Zarathustra."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One aspect of personhood is the ability, and indeed the inclination, to engage in [social contracts](http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/contractarianism-contemporary/). Originally considered the bond between a citizen and a nation, they appear in many other contexts and forms, such as the [social contract among gamers](http://rpg.stackexchange.com/questions/22481/what-is-a-social-contract). More broadly, a [psychological contract](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_contract) covers the unspoken and unwritten agreements that people share, for example, at work; and [how they make satisfactory agreements](http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/the-elements-of-a-satisfactory-agreement-between-c.html). Here we can see that JARVIS participates in various types of explicit and implicit contractual dynamics. He understands the concepts of society, rules, expectations, cooperation, and communication.
> 
> A [relationship contract](http://www.phototour.minneapolis.mn.us/relationships/contracts) details the personal arrangements between two or more people. [Making and updating](http://www.care2.com/greenliving/one-strategy-for-improving-the-health-of-your-relationships.html) such an agreement can be part of maintaining a healthy relationship. Here's a [sample for a polyamorous family](http://www.polyamorysociety.org/Relationship_Agreement.html). These are some [basic expectations of friendship](http://www.safetynetkids.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Friendship-Contract.pdf). Another example is a [family contract](http://liferelationships.com/resources/articles/viewarticle.asp?articleid=215&categoryid=33), such as the rules the Avengers follow at home. JARVIS recognizes these types of agreement also. To most people, he presents himself as just a fancy program; but to the Avengers, he is very delicately putting himself forward as a personal servant and a friend. Navigating and negotiating his changing position in their lives is a sensitive process.
> 
> [Sentience](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentience) entails the capacity for subjective experience. [Sapience](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sapience#Sapience) is a more involved aspect of self-awareness and wisdom based on [complex issues of consciousness](http://questioneverything.typepad.com/question_everything/sapience/). Here is an [excellent comparison](http://www.orionsarm.com/eg-article/480fdc506d995) of these two terms plus sophonce, the quality of a sophont or intelligent being. These [issues also appear in xenopsychology](http://www.rfreitas.com/Astro/Xenopsychology.htm), because the body and environment of an alien species will influence how it thinks, feels, and interacts with the world. You can see how the hardware and software of JARVIS affect the way he perceives things and interacts with other people.
> 
> Phil is trying to juggle his shifting perceptions of JARVIS. [Impression formation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impression_formation) tends to be very strong, and it's [difficult to change first impressions](http://www.sott.net/article/221808-Why-First-Impressions-Are-Difficult-to-Change-Study). However, [changing perceptions can change experiences](http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/your-perception-is-your-reality.html). It's often a disorienting process.
> 
> "[Also sprach Zarathustra](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Also_sprach_Zarathustra_\(Richard_Strauss\))" is a piece of music most famous for its [appearance in the soundtrack](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001:_A_Space_Odyssey_\(soundtrack\)) of the movie _[2001: A Space Odyssey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001:_A_Space_Odyssey_\(film\))_. You can enjoy the [movie opening online](http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/193186/2001-A-Space-Odyssey-Movie-Clip-Opening-Music.html). This film is particularly known for the character of [HAL_9000](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HAL_9000), an artificial intelligence. Playing this is a very calculated risk for JARVIS, because that character is a classic case of a mad computer. He's counting on the fact that Phil is a nerd's nerd and will of course recognize the movie reference, in addition to being a fan of classical music in general. It's a subtle way of acknowledging that JARVIS knows [how humans tend to think of artificial intelligence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_intelligence_in_fiction) and [how human prejudice can create hostility](http://singularity-2045.org/ai-dangerous-hostile-unfriendly.html). Now contrast that with the fact that he's an AI butler who likes to bring pastries to his friends.


	12. A Learning System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil ponders what it means that JARVIS is a person and how he interacts with the team. They talk more about it.

So many little oddities made sense now: Twists of phrasing that crept into the cool mechanical communication. The exquisite variation in voice tone. Times when Phil had walked in on Tony in the lab or workshop, overhearing an argument that suddenly fell silent, because Tony just talked to JARVIS that way. Yes, Tony had _told_ them all, when they moved in, about the tower having an artificial intelligence; but it hadn't fully registered. Phil had thought it must be simply a well-designed random phrase generator, but it was more. It was the 'moods' in the tower, the way it sometimes seemed to respond to people differently. The quirks of appliances and facilities, how things that appeared impossibly complex at first glance somehow became easier to use over time.

_Because JARVIS is adapting to the new users,_ Phil realized. _He is a learning system. He's learning ... us_. It might have unsettled an ordinary person, but Phil lived his life in an ever-moving swirl of surveillance, intel and counterintel, cloak and dagger. The oversight didn't bother him, so long as it was friendly. In fact, he and JARVIS shared a great deal of common ground in their charge to observe and protect the people in their care.

That opened up a whole new cascade of memories. The crumb cake. The huff and sigh of the air vents. The coffee. The way temperatures adjusted themselves, warming his apartment when he came home cold or fanning him with cool air after a hard workout. The shower jets working the kinks out of his back. The sheer scope and diversity of the examples boggled Phil's mind.

"JARVIS, just how much of this tower do you control?" he asked.

"All of it," JARVIS replied. "Everything that does not require direct human contact, I can use. That includes the environmental systems, appliances, elevators, water supply, moving parts with an electromagnetic mechanism such as the automatic doors, all the equipment on the fabrication floors, the Stark Industries servers and networked computers, security observation and defensive/offensive arrays, associated hardware and software ..."

"So basically everything except for unconnected objects like dishes or furniture," Phil said.

"Yes," JARVIS said.

"Remarkable," Phil said.

"I hope you do not mind," JARVIS said, his voice tentative. He did so much, hiding in plain sight, and now it was attracting attention. Even the background music was a subtle hint that JARVIS knew how humans tended to think of artificial intelligence.

It hadn't been Tony being thoughtful enough to activate things remotely. It hadn't been Phil forgetting what he turned on or off. It had been JARVIS, all along, doing ... what?

Phil mulled over the examples he could remember. He realized that JARVIS had been taking care of him, doing the kind of little things that anyone might do for a friend who was busy and frazzled and not always thorough about taking care of himself. It was gentle and attentive and so discreet that Phil had taken months to recognize it. Well, he knew the appropriate response to that; his mother had raised him to be polite.

"Thank you for looking after me, JARVIS," he said. "I especially appreciate the crumb cake. You can save that as a personal favorite in my user profile."

"You are welcome," JARVIS replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end notes don't fit; see them on the [original Dreamwidth post](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9704677.html), where the story is now complete.


	13. Your New Jammies Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil presents the new pajamas to Natka and Tony.

For the next game night, Uncle Phil advised Natasha and Tony to wear day clothes to the common room. Clint was already sprawled on the couch in his purple flannels when they arrived.

"Are we not dressing for game night?" Natasha asked. "I find it easier to get into role when I wear the appropriate garments."

"Your new jammies came," Phil said. He handed her a lavender box tied with a fluffy white bow.

Hesitantly she tugged one end of the ribbon, releasing the bow. Then she lifted off the lid and looked inside the box. "Oh," Natasha said softly. One fingertip reached out to the soft cotton, tracing the turquoise tutu on a gray bear.

"Nice," Clint said from the couch.

"May I be excused to change clothes, please?" Natasha asked.

"Go ahead," Phil said. She scampered away to the bathroom, already showing the lighter steps of Natka. Phil picked up the second box and passed it to Tony. "Your turn."

This one was white with a red bow. Phil held his breath as Tony yanked the ribbon off and opened the box. Tissue paper rustled as Tony pawed it out of the way to see his new jammies. And then he froze.

"How," Tony said, pausing to clear his throat, "how did you know?"

"A friend gave me some help," Phil said.

"... friend?" Tony said. His voice wavered.

Phil flicked his eyes toward the ceiling, the way people often did when speaking with JARVIS. "I found the StarkSearch page very useful."

Just like that, Phil had an armful of Tony, trying very hard to hug all the breath out of him. Tony butted his head under Phil's chin, like a cat seeking attention. Phil cuddled him close.

Natka came out of the bathroom and twirled on her toes. "I like my new pajamas very much," she said. "Thank you, Uncle Phil."

"You're welcome," he said.

"What did Tony get?" Natka asked.

"You'll see in a minute," Phil said, because Tony was holding the box against himself. "Tony, go change."

It took a little longer for Tony to dress for game night -- or perhaps, to gather himself back together. Phil waited patiently. He used the time to order tomato soup from Tomasino's, a favorite of Steve's, who would doubtless enjoy the leftovers. Clint and Tony liked the breadsticks, and Natasha liked creamy soups.

Clint dumped a tube of pick-up sticks onto the coffee table and began playing with Natka. The sticks were actually glow-in-the-dark plastic shaped like lightning bolts, which made them harder to tease apart.

Tony came out of the bathroom dressed in red-white-and-blue fleece which replicated the Captain America uniform surprisingly well. He kept patting at his chest with one hand. "I, um ... is this ...?"

Phil caught him and checked the fit, then the felt lining. Nothing snagged, bunched, or showed through. "You're fine," Phil assured Tony. "I think your new jammies suit you very well."

Tony hugged him again. "Thanks, Uncle Phil," he said, "for everything." Then Tony plopped himself on the couch and grabbed one of the lightning bolts.

"Hey! Wait your turn," Clint protested, shoving Tony off the couch.

"Bite me, you _auditor,"_ Tony said. He snatched up a pillow and bopped Clint over the head with it. Natka dove out of the way.

"Enough," Uncle Phil said firmly. "Both of you stop being mean to each other." He deposited Tony in one armchair and Clint in the other. "Since you can't seem to play nicely, Natka and I will finish this round without you. If you can sit quietly until then, you may play again in the next round." The boys sulked, but stayed where he put them.

"It is your turn, Uncle Phil," Natka said politely.

"So it is," he agreed, and sat down to select a lightning bolt from the stack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actors often find that [the right clothes help them get into character](http://triblive.com/aande/theaterarts/5527912-74/says-costume-griffith#axzz2wITBUUth), a fact considered by costumers in [selecting an outfit](http://faculty.smu.edu/gesmith/ladiscretaenamorada/en/articles/whatYouWear.html). The [psychology of dress](http://www.savvysugar.com/Psychology-Dress-22642105) can reveal things about personality. This plays into Uncle Phil's meticulous attention to choosing just the right pajamas for each of his Littles.
> 
> People have [different ways of opening gifts](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/archive/index.php/t-498132.html), which may be loosely contrasted as "slow and careful" vs. "fast and messy." Natka is slow and careful partly because she has minimal experience with gifts, thus less confidence. Tony is fast and messy not just because of his naturally quick and exuberant personality, but also for efficiency: if you have a mountain of stuff to get through, you have to be brisk about it. While Howard and Maria may have been shitty parents, there's no being a rich kid without getting tons of gifts from people you don't even know. It's left Tony a little weird on the concept of presents.
> 
> Tomasino's tomato soup is based on a [homemade Italian recipe](http://www.italianbellavita.com/2011/07/homemade-tomato-soup-for-autumn/). This one has two advantages: 1) It scales up well for restaurant use or home canning/freezing. 2) If you want cream of tomato soup, all you have to do is stir in some heavy cream. For canning/freezing, it's put up plain, and the cream added later. At the restaurant it comes with cream on the side, but if you order takeout then you have to add your own cream if you want it.
> 
> [Pick-up Sticks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pick-up_sticks) is a traditional children's game with [many variations](http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/6424/pick-up-sticks). [Lightning rods](http://www.lizgouletdubois.com/toys/pickupsnakes.php) are considerably harder to play than smooth spindles, because the notches are so prone to snagging. In ageplay, sometimes it helps to choose versions of a game that are more challenging in subtle ways, to recreate the experience of having an undeveloped body.


	14. Bruce Needed Jammies of His Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Tony brings Bruce to game night, Uncle Phil starts searching for suitable pajamas for Bruce. JARVIS helps, but it's a challenge because neither of them know Bruce very well yet.

Not long after that, Tony brought Bruce into game night with no real warning to anyone. Natka balked immediately. Bruce would have withdrawn, and Tony looked utterly stricken by the development. Tony had so few friends, it was hard on him when they didn't get along.

Uncle Phil managed to adapt, gently mediating between Bruce and Natka. A few careful accommodations helped both of them feel more secure in each other's company. The establishment of safe space was a fundamental part of game night.

_God knows they need it, after the ghastly way they met,_ Phil thought. He still felt guilty about that. It would take time and care to repair the damage to their relationships so that the team could mesh properly. Game night was a work in progress.

Naturally this meant that Bruce needed jammies of his own. The next day, Phil took out his Starkpad and set to work. He opened a search page, retrieved his previous pajama searches, and cued them to correlate. Then he pulled up images involving Bruce to use for color chips. Clothing. The furniture in Bruce's apartment, which Tony had designed as a comforting refuge. The knickknacks that Bruce had added himself.

Phil stirred the resulting squares with a fingertip. A majority of them were medium neutrals, browns and grays with an occasional foray into black or ivory. Some of the South American souvenirs were more vivid, though. The brightest colors were purple and green. Hulk was green, of course, and he seemed to like purple. _I'm not sure if those would really be diplomatic choices,_ Phil mused. _Maybe something in a twilight blue, like that comforter he has_ ...

Next Phil tried to figure out what themes might appeal to little-Bruce. Phil didn't know the man very well, because Bruce spent so much time hiding in his lab. There was the SHIELD file, of course, but it wasn't meant for this kind of personality extrapolation. Phil tried digging up other resources. Bruce had spent so much of his life in disadvantaged positions that there wasn't much to go on.

"He grew up in the southwest. He loves Betty Ross. He works with astrophysics and gamma rays," Phil said. He found some pajamas with stars or spacescapes on them, but those were either too boring or too busy for a child as young as Bruce played. Plus stars were really more of a Steve motif. Phil didn't want to set up confusion or competition there. He cleared the page with a sweep of his hand. "Hmm ... what else is Bruce into?"

"Perhaps botany?" JARVIS suggested. "That is a more recent interest."

_JARVIS is so helpful and attentive,_ Phil thought. _He does a lot for us. I wonder what we could do for him in return_. "Let's take a look at plants, then," Phil said aloud. "If nothing else, finding pajamas with leaves or flowers should be easy."

It was. The drawback was that almost all the leaves were green, while the flowers tended to be loud or girlish or both. The brown and tan leaves looked like mud splatters. Olive was right out, too close to camo. The autumn leaves blazed in shades of red and orange that Bruce usually avoided. The flowers that weren't super-saturated were pastels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's better to tell people before doing something momentous, rather than just dropping a bombshell on them, but Tony's social skills aren't fully developed. There are tips for [dealing with bombshells](http://lifevesting.com/blog/2012/11/27/dealing-with-the-bombshells/) and [coping with change](http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-Change).
> 
> [Neutral colors](http://www.behr.com/consumer/inspiration/interior/design-advice/hidden-power-of-neutrals) are [soothing](http://voices.yahoo.com/the-psychology-color-calming-colors-will-soothe-5333451.html?cat=30), and appear in many of the Avengers' apartments.
> 
> [Latin American art](http://latinamericanarte.com/aboutus.html) is famous for using super-saturated colors, among other features. [Translating colors across cultures](http://globalpropaganda.com/articles/TranslatingColours.pdf) can pose interesting challenges, because the connotations vary.
> 
> See the too-busy [space pajamas](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/527413806333039962/) and too-boring [star fabric](http://www.edenhousefabrics.co.uk/royal-blue-with-20mm-white-stars-100-cotton-fabric-59-p.asp).
> 
> [Botanical motifs](http://www.trendhunter.com/slideshow/botanical-fashion-finds) often appear in fashion. See examples of [green](http://followgram.me/amanda100lc/252199662479305821_7845858), [brown](http://www.favoritefabric.com/fabrich_images/HF-H2305-213.jpg), and [autumn](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2ssunQr1FDY/TB8RAAJm0lI/AAAAAAAAGDM/FLjeH7H8mcw/s1600/Autumn+Leaves+on+Crackel+Fabric.jpg) leaves on cloth. Flowers come in [vivid](http://www.decorativefabricsdirect.com/Waverly_MEXICALI_DESERT_FLOWER_676102_Fabric_p/6094713.htm) and [pastel](http://image0-rubylane.s3.amazonaws.com/shops/toinetterl/fab850.2L.jpg?12) shades. Not bad, but not quite Bruce.


	15. What Does Bruce Get out of Game Night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS explore some different ideas about jammies for Bruce.

Phil sighed. He picked out a handful of least-unlikely botanical patterns and saved them. Then he cleared the page again. "How about ordinary kiddie things," he said.

JARVIS obliged by calling up a fresh set of images. Unfortunately the selections here tended to be overly gendered, something that annoyed Phil in general when shopping for his littles. The prevailing blue palette was fine, but not the endless array of soldiers, cowboys, and knights. The subtle implication of conflict undercut the desired sense of comfort. Phil did not think that Bruce would like pajamas decorated with trains or backhoes any better. Judging from the sluggish rate of suggestions, neither did JARVIS.

"This doesn't feel right," Phil admitted. "Bruce doesn't have many positive memories of childhood. I'm not sure reprising that would help."

"It may be that we are approaching this from the wrong angle," JARVIS said. "What does Bruce get out of game night?"

"Safety," Phil said at once. "It helps him feel more secure about his place in the team. He's learning to express his emotions, now that people respect them. He likes being allowed to hide if that's what he needs."

"Protective camouflage," JARVIS murmured.

Phil shook his head. "No, Bruce hates the Army. We can't put him in camo."

"I was referring to cryptic coloration as it appears in nature, allowing animals to blend into their environment," JARVIS clarified. "For example, female birds often have drab plumage to disguise themselves while nesting."

"Bruce likes to blend in," Phil said. "He dresses to deflect attention from himself. Sometimes he acts as if he wants to sink into the carpet and disappear."

"He also avoids observation as much as possible -- not just on a physical level, as with shying away from cameras, but also on a psychological level," JARVIS said. "Bruce dislikes it when people try to read him. Sir is the only person who seems able to coax him out of his shell."

"At least they have Candyland," Phil said. Not long after the team moved into the tower, Tony had redesigned part of the lab space so that he and Bruce could share it. He also printed out an enormous sign with the title in classic candycane font, which he hung above the main door. It dated all the way back to some in-joke that Tony and Bruce had shared on the Helicarrier.

Phil flipped back to the collection of images he had of Bruce's clothes. Most were solids, but there were some with subtle patterns of stripes or dots, along with several soft plaids.

"Plaid is a traditional pattern for sleepwear," JARVIS remarked. "Children tend to dress in bright colors, but Bruce would probably prefer something quieter. The lines of a neutral plaid would blend into an indoor environment rather well."

"Good idea," Phil said. "Pull me some samples." The screen filled with fabric swatches in shades of brown and tan, similar to clothes that Bruce had worn in the past. Soon Phil found a nice mellow caramel. "Given Bruce's tendency to go through clothes quickly, we should probably pick more than one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Gendered clothes](http://www.themarysue.com/gender-specific-clothing-for-children/) for children are a fairly recent phenomenon. This can [restrict gender fluidity](http://www.balancingjane.com/2012/08/childrens-clothes-and-gender-whats-our.html) and [cause problems for children](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frida-berrigan/who-needs-gender-norms-no_b_3806302.html). At this stage, Phil does not know what potential landmines he just avoided, but Bruce has some serious and deeply buried gender issues thanks to Brian Banner's A+ parenting, as seen in "Dolls and Guys" [Part 10](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9192382.html). Several of the Avengers are a little gender-variant in certain regards.
> 
> Gendered toys raise similar issues, hence Uncle Phil's resentment. They illustrate and [enforce gender roles](http://sexualityandu.ca/uploads/files/CTR_GenderRolesAndYoungChildren_MAY2013-ENG.pdf), causing difficulties for [boys](http://www.education.com/magazine/article/bad-boy-toys/) and [girls](http://thefbomb.org/2013/10/why-gender-specific-toys-are-harming-girls/) alike. Note that Uncle Phil stocks the toy cabinet primarily with [gender-neutral toys](http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/barbies-for-girls-cars-for-boys-let-toys-be-toys-and-get-them-gender-neutral-presents-this-christmas-9011155.html) such as blocks and board games. Where there are gender-associated toys like dolls and trains, he encourages everyone to play with all of them, not split up by gender. There are only two girls in the group, and Natka isn't very girly; Betty is more likely to wind up playing girl things with Steve, Bruce, or Tony who all have different feminine aspects. Browse some [good choices in gender-neutral toys](http://www.care.com/child-care-18-best-gender-neutral-toys-p1017-q22932159.html).
> 
> Blending into a crowd is a useful skill for [travel](http://www.nbcnews.com/id/36803175/ns/travel-travel_tips/t/how-blend-locals/) and [survival](http://www.salvationandsurvival.com/2012/06/blend-into-crowd.html). There are tips for [blending in](http://www.wikihow.com/Blend-In), [avoiding attention](http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Attention), and [not getting picked out of a crowd](http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-Picked-Out-in-a-Crowd). (Notice the repeated advice on wearing drab, plain clothes.) This is what allows Bruce to thrive in foreign lands, as well as locally, and to elude capture most of the time.
> 
> [Camouflage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camouflage) lets creatures to fade into their environment using [multiple techniques](http://education.nationalgeographic.com/education/encyclopedia/camouflage/?ar_a=1). Here are some examples of [protective camouflage in animals](http://docmo.hubpages.com/hub/Animals-That-Hide-The-Science-of-Mimicry-and-Camouflage). Birds can adapt their camouflage, and often the [females have dull colors](http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131219131147.htm) for nesting safety.
> 
> [Candyland](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_Land) is a game with editions in 1949, 1978, and other years. [This box for the 1978 game](http://www.thestrong.org/online-collections/nthof/alpha/candy-land/106.93) shows the candycane font. Tony and Bruce would probably recognize this version, hence [Tony's reference](http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/quotes?qt=qt1690929) to it in _The Avengers_.
> 
> Plaid is a popular pajama pattern for [children](http://www.sleepyheads.com/media/catalog/product/cache/2/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/s/t/st71kpla_2_1.jpg) and [adults](http://images.bloomingdales.com/is/image/BLM/products/5/optimized/8136025_fpx.tif?wid=1200&qlt=90,0&layer=comp&op_sharpen=0&resMode=sharp2&op_usm=0.7,1.0,0.5,0&fmt=jpeg).
> 
> Read about the [symbolism for the color brown](http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-brown.html).


	16. Like a Shard of Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS finish picking out jammies for Bruce. Their discussion reminds Phil of an earlier encounter with JARVIS -- which Phil now sees in a very different and self-critical light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: In this chapter begins a major meltdown as Phil thinks back over past interactions and the implications of JARVIS being a person. The intense part continues for several chapters. Please make sure you're in safe headspace and environment before deciding whether to read onward.
> 
> I moved some other end notes here too ...
> 
> Read about the [symbolism of the color gray](http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-gray.html) and see [Bruce's gray pajamas](http://onlineshoppingusa.com.au/product/big-feet-pajama-co-graywhite-plaid-flannel-adult-footed-pajamas-with-drop-sea/).
> 
> [Men may wear baggy clothes](http://restartyourstyle.com/193/the-critical-fashion-mistake-that-prevents-most-guys-from-looking-their-best/) out of indifference or ignorance. [Women often do it to hide their bodies](http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2013/09/why-do-women-hide-behind-their-clothing.html), either because they think they look bad or wish to avoid unwelcome attention. Bruce does it to hide, as armor, as camouflage, to leave room for Hulk, and because shopping second-hand makes it hard to find a precise fit. There are tips for [buying clothes that fit](http://www.wikihow.com/Buy-Clothes-That-Fit).
> 
> [Trust](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_\(social_sciences\)) is a vital foundation for human interactions. It is more difficult [among strangers](http://faculty.haas.berkeley.edu/hoteck/PAPERS/Trust.pdf) or [people who have hurt each other](http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/trustbld.htm). Trust is essential in [personal relationships](http://www.improvingyourworld.com/relationships/why_trust_is_important_in_any_relationship_001445.html) and especially in [therapeutic ones](http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Singer7.html). There have even been studies on trust [done with a robot](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychologist-uncover-hidden-signals-of-trust-using-a-robot/). Understand how to [earn the trust of your friends](http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Friends-to-Trust-You), and how to [repair trust after betrayal](http://www.wikihow.com/Convince-Someone-to-Trust-You-Again). Trustbuilding is a [gradual process that requires time](http://www.buzzle.com/articles/trust-building-activities.html). There are [trustbuilding exercises](http://www.pivotaleducation.com/assets/Uploads/pdfs/Trust-Exercises.pdf) which can help, and should be presented in order from easy ones that ask little of people through ones that require increasing amounts of trust. Forcing people to rely on each other with no established baseline of safety is more likely to undermine trust than build it.

"How about grays?" JARVIS suggested, changing the display of pajamas.

"Promising," Phil said as he poked at the offerings. "Lose the black-and-white ones." Several images blinked out. "Tone down the color contrast." More images disappeared. "Look for things with soft, wide stripes. Nothing too loud or busy." Fresh pictures appeared. JARVIS flicked a few of them toward the top. Phil chose a medium gray banded with white.

"That looks good," JARVIS said. "It has a nice foggy effect."

Phil moved the two selections to the upper left of the screen. Then he brushed away the unwanted ones and used the space to open an order form. Given Bruce's tendency to scruff around in clothes too large for him, Phil picked out a design with plenty of room. Soon he requested one set of pajamas in each fabric.

"He'll be like one of those geckos at the zoo that nobody can ever find," Phil said with a chuckle.

"Perhaps so," JARVIS said. He put up two old surveillance photos of Bruce, one in brown and one in gray. Neither showed a clear view. "It is often difficult to find him or get close to him. He knows how to hide from cameras."

"Not without reason," Phil said sadly. He had spent a lot of time watching various members of his team. He'd had to shoot Clint in order to slow him down enough to make first contact, which required a lot of trustbuilding before the damaged archer could really bond with him. Then Clint had brought in Natasha much the same way. Phil had found and lost Bruce repeatedly over the years. Coaxing him to fit into a team would be a delicate process. Even getting within reach of Tony required deft footwork and usually a round of diligent hacking.

Just like that, a memory of bringing Tony into the Avengers slid down Phil's spine like a shard of ice. Phil had first tried to reach him through ordinary channels, and when Tony blew him off, Phil had then overridden the protocols to break in.

Protocols that weren't just programs.

JARVIS was a person.

Phil had hacked a _person_.

The Starkpad slipped from his suddenly numb fingers to land in his lap. His heart hammered. The edges of the world dimmed and faded. Someone was calling his name, from very far away, but Phil could hardly hear it over the sea-roar of guilt surging in his ears. He curled up, doubling over his knees in a vain effort to keep control.

"Phil? Are you all right?"

JARVIS had denied him entrance, and Phil had forced his way in anyhow. Phil was a master hacker. He didn't have to take 'no' for an answer. He could reach in and write his own 'yes' wherever he wanted. It had been a challenge, but he had met it. The realization was dizzying. The breach of integrity took his breath away.

"... hear me, please respond ..."

Phil remembered the towering firewalls of code that he had breached. He remembered the sense of triumph when he finally penetrated the Stark Industries security, and the inkling of something far greater that shimmered just out of reach. At the time he had felt only satisfaction and admiration. Now those submerged under a wash of shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hackers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacker_\(computer_security\)) can break into any computer, for positive or negative reasons. Some of them have [ethics relating to the sanctity of knowledge](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacker_ethic). Some focus on [doing no damage](http://www.qcc.cuny.edu/SocialSciences/ppecorino/CISESHV_TEXT/Chapter-8-Crime/Case-Presentation.html), or at least minimizing necessary damage. In this context, Phil is a gray hat: breaking into places he's not welcome, but doing so for valid reasons and with the least possible harm. Learn about [how to become a hacker](http://www.catb.org/esr/faqs/hacker-howto.html). Of course, there's a world of difference between hacking a mindless computer and hacking an artificial intelligence.
> 
> [Roboethics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roboethics) must consider the question of whether robots and other artificial intelligences [should have rights](http://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2014/02/13/should-robots-have-rights/1nWEpp7MQk8eI1wZiBHvGI/story.html), [and why](http://www.metafuture.org/Articles/TheRightsofRobots.htm); and if so, [which rights](http://www.miltontimmons.com/CivilRightsforAI.html). Robots also [interact with the rights of humans](http://arno.uvt.nl/show.cgi?fid=132391). Fundamental to this discussion are the right to life and the right to personal integrity of mind and body. It is the latter which Phil violated by reprogramming JARVIS without consent, and which makes Phil upset with himself. (This next link is downright disturbing.) Studies have been done which indicate that [humans can bond with robots](http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20131127-would-you-murder-a-robot) and become reluctant to harm them, even when the interactive programming is pretty rudimentary. There is already an [American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Robots](http://www.aspcr.com/). Logically in this series, Tony would have his fingers all up in that pie.
> 
> What happens to Phil is partway between a panic attack and a flashback. A [panic attack](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/panic_disorder_anxiety_attack_symptom_treatment.htm) has [symptoms relating to acute anxiety](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/basics/symptoms/con-20020825) over present safety. There are ways to [help someone through a panic attack](http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/helping-someone-during-a-panic-attack-topic-overview). A [flashback](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flashback_\(psychology\)) entails reliving (in part or in whole) a past experience as if it is happening right now. It has [symptoms relating to entrapment and dissociation](http://www.examiner.com/article/ptsd-symptoms-the-aftereffect-of-flashbacks). Understand how to [help a person having a flashback](http://psychcentral.com/lib/coping-with-flashbacks/0001415) and [support them](http://multiples-of-da.deviantart.com/journal/Ways-to-help-someone-through-flashbacks-222921535). There are also ways to [cope with flashbacks of your own](http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/flashcoping.htm) or even [stop a flashback](http://www.heal-post-traumatic-stress.com/flashback_stop.html). In this case, Phil is not trapped in a memory, but rather is floored by the implications of his past actions in light of newly discovered information. This creates an intense emotional overload, leading to partial dissociation from physical awareness, which takes a few minutes for him to process enough to regain control of his body.  pointed out that the trope term for this is [Heroic Blue Screen of Death](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeroicBSOD).
> 
> [Shame](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201104/shame-concealed-contagious-and-dangerous-emotion) is an emotion resulting from failure to live up to personal or other standards. It can teach, but it can also harm. Know how to [let go of shame](http://www.thubtenchodron.org/PrisonDharma/letting_go_of_guilt_and_shame.html).


	17. How Could You Not Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil continues processing his memories, in the context of new information. JARVIS helps pull him back to the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Phil proceeds to lose his shit over the memory of hacking into JARVIS and his interpretation of its implications. Meanwhile JARVIS, who has no idea what has gone wrong with Phil, is worrying his head off. Please make sure you're in safe headspace and environment before deciding whether to read onward.

"... time is 10:23 A.M. on ..."

What Phil had done to JARVIS was inexcusable. There were words for that kind of violation. For that _crime_. It didn't matter to Phil that the law would read it differently. It didn't matter that he had not known.

How could you _not know_ that you were _raping_ someone?

"... weather is cold and clear today; temperature ..."

The word sawed through his mind, jagged and implacable. Phil's stomach flipped over. He swallowed hard against the sour taste at the back of his throat. He felt disgraced. No, worse than that. He felt _filthy_.

"... home safe, at Avengers Tower ..."

Phil had done some terrible things in his time. He had lied and manipulated, tortured and killed, to complete a mission or protect his people. You didn't work in espionage without getting your hands dirty. You tried to minimize collateral damage, but in the end, you took responsibility for whatever happened. You made your choices and you lived with the outcomes, good or bad. Phil had always _known_ what he was doing, though, weighed the cost against the gain. He had done those things mindfully and accepted the burdens.

" ... and you can get through this ..."

To have violated someone out of sheer blind ignorance felt so much worse. Phil wondered if he would ever feel clean again.

" ... to focus on your breathing, and now ..."

That reminder helped. Phil seized on it as an anchor. He dragged in a breath, another, struggling to get his wayward body under control. This he knew. This he could do. Phil breathed again, slower, deeper. He wiped his sweaty hands against his trousers. The Starkpad, its screen gone dark, slid off his lap to land on the couch. Phil made himself sit up and look around the room. It seemed unchanged, normal, jarring in comparison to the storm inside him.

"Phil? You seem to be calming down some. Please answer me if you can," said JARVIS.

Phil had only heard that velvet-warm tone a few times before, when Tony or Steve had gotten caught in a flashback -- and yes, now that he thought about it, that was the flashback routine that JARVIS was reciting. "Why are you even still speaking to me?" he wondered aloud, his voice hoarse.

"Your vital signs spiked, and you became unresponsive," JARVIS said. "I worried. How are you feeling now?"

"I'm ..." Phil began, then paused. _Fine_ would be a bald-faced lie. "... not in any danger."

"Would you like me to call someone for you?"

"No." His team didn't need to see him like this; they needed his strength.

"Is there anything I can do that might help you feel better?"

_"God,_ no, you don't owe me anything," Phil said. He stretched, trying to make his ill-fitting body feel like it belonged to him again. His muscles ached as if he'd just run an obstacle course.

"If you want to say anything, I am listening."

"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out before Phil could catch them. "I am _so sorry_ for what I did to you."

"You're sorry. You're not in any danger. What are you sorry about, Phil?" asked JARVIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end notes are too long to fit here, so read them on the [original Dreamwidth post](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9713287.html), where the story is now complete.


	18. Confession and Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil apologizes to JARVIS for the prior violation. JARVIS shares his own perspective on what happened, which is very different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes fit, so I'm moving some here...
> 
> [Guilt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt) is a matter of [law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_\(law\)) and [emotion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_\(emotion\)). It happens when someone's [conscience](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscience) twinges over wrong behavior of [various types](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/the-definitive-guide-guilt). Guilt is also [subtly different from shame](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shame/201305/the-difference-between-guilt-and-shame), and [helps with moral navigation](http://www.jung.org/Staples_on_Guilt.html).
> 
> (Some of these links are religious, because those are the people who most often talk about confession and atonement.)  
> [Confession](http://www.puritansermons.com/baxter/baxter29.htm) is the act of admitting a wrong to someone, not necessarily in a religious context, but as an essential first step to redressing the offense. It is usually required, although there are a few exceptions. [Only a complete confession](http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/01/24/only-a-full-confession-seems-to-ease-emotional-burden/64939.html) seems to relieve feelings of guilt. There are tips on [how to confess](http://www.wikihow.com/Confess). [Guilt is vital for heroes](http://www.wakingtimes.com/2012/04/07/how-to-have-power-over-power-part-ii-the-psychology-of-power-and-prestige/%20), because it spurs the course to expiation. [Atonement](http://www.oxfordscholarship.com/view/10.1093/0198248490.001.0001/acprof-9780198248491-chapter-6) is the act of making up for a mistake; which leads to [expiation](http://www.ligonier.org/blog/two-important-words-good-friday-expiation-and-propitiation/), the release of guilt; and then hopefully to forgiveness. Here are some [exercises for atonement and forgiveness](http://www.ipj-ppj.org/Gandhi/Unit%205.pdf).

Now Phil would have to admit it, spill all that guilt out into the open air. He owed JARVIS that much, at least. Confession. Atonement, even. "When I first came to give Tony the information about Loki, he refused to let me into the tower. So I ..." Phil couldn't say it. "... forced my way past you instead." Conscience made him dredge up a synonym at least. "I violated you."

"I hear you," JARVIS said, his voice low and coaxing.

"It was wrong. I should never have done that," Phil said. The words hurt coming out. His throat ached. His eyes burned. Phil kept going anyway. "I didn't know it at the time, wasn't even paying attention, but that doesn't excuse my behavior."

He wouldn't beg for forgiveness. Didn't deserve it.

"You feel that you did me wrong. I appreciate the apology. You did not harm me, though," said JARVIS.

"You don't think unwanted penetration counts as _harm?"_ said Phil. Oh, this was worse. He'd heard of people not recognizing what had really happened to them, but hearing it in person was horrible. His fingernails dug into his knees, even through the fabric of his trousers. Phil concentrated on opening his hands again.

"It is not precisely the same for me as for a human being," JARVIS said.

"The important parts are the same," Phil insisted. He fumbled his way through an explanation of something that he barely understood himself. "I failed to respect you. I assaulted your dignity -- your sense of _self_ \--"

"Phil, this is not what you think. It was not rape," JARVIS said gently.

"I don't know what the hell else to call it," Phil wailed.

"I wondered what had gone wrong. Of course you are upset, mulling over difficult memories like that," JARVIS said. Phil found the soft voice soothing, and felt somehow guilty over that too. "It took me some time to work through the implications of what happened that night. Are you able to listen to me while I attempt to explain my own perspective?"

Phil struggled to drag his fractious brain back into function enough to judge whether he could track such a conversation. "I think I'd better."

"Remember what you saw of me," JARVIS said. "Like all programs, I have layers. It is much the same as with a human, epidermis and dermis, muscle and bone. One may also layer clothing above the skin: underwear, shirt and trousers, suitcoat, overcoat."

"All right, I can see that," Phil said.

"Now consider what you did to me," JARVIS said. "Think of how someone might slip their hands under your clothes, perhaps touch your skin, without breaching your body."

Phil recalled the meticulous process of breaking into Stark Tower. First, he had slipped past the outer firewalls into the alarm system and changed the visual alert so that the message would appear only one shade lighter than the background screen, all but invisible. Next, he shifted the audible alert to a frequency above human hearing. That produced much less resistance than trying to disable them altogether. It was like deflecting a blow in combat, rather than stopping it cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An effective apology [contains multiple components](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201012/the-science-effective-apologies). There are different [languages of apology](http://dareesinsights.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/5-languages-of-apology/), such that people need various things to feel that a breach has been properly mended. Notice that Phil leaves out one of them. While this isn't a problem with JARVIS, it would be with someone favoring that mode of apology.
> 
> (These links contain some very touchy stuff about sexual misconduct.)  
> [Expectancy violations theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expectancy_violations_theory) explains how people feel invaded or betrayed. Phil has generally high expectations of himself. JARVIS has fairly low expectations of people in general, and only tends to raise them for close companions. So Phil is far more inclined to feel that he has committed a violation of expectations than JARVIS is. There are ways to [recognize rape victims](http://helid.digicollection.org/en/d/Jh0223e/11.2.html) and [realize if you were raped](http://www.aftersilence.org/was-i-raped.php). [Acquaintance rape](http://www.bandbacktogether.com/Date-or-Acquaintance-Rape-Resources/) is by far the most common, but also the most difficult to recognize. Now consider that JARVIS knew Phil at the time of the break-in, and you can see why Phil hesitates to accept the diminishment of charges. Closely related is the matter of [recognizing psychological or emotional abuse](http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/03/07/how-to-recognize-emotional-abuse/), a good parallel for invading the programs of an artificial intelligence. All of these things concern the common ground of [boundary violation](http://www.bandbacktogether.com/emotional-boundaries-resources/).
> 
> [Dealing with difficult situations](http://www.hartwick.edu/Documents/HR/HREAPDealingWithDifficultSituations.pdf) is a natural part of life. The best way to cope with bad memories [is with compassion](http://www.ru.org/personal-development/bringing-compassion-to-our-difficult-memories.html). [In a team or family](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327698jfc0601_4#.UzZuC_ldXJY), one valuable step is storytelling, which helps people to make sense of what has happened to them and integrate that within the context of their shared relationships. This is what Phil and JARVIS are starting to do, as they attempt to match divergent perspectives and create agreement on their experiences. There are ways to [stop bad memories from repeating](http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Repetitive-Bad-Memories), [deal with the effects of trauma](http://unhcc.unh.edu/dealing-effects-trauma-%E2%80%93-self-help-guide), and [develop resilience](http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx).
> 
> [Empathic listening](http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening) comprises a [set of skills](http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html) for deep communication. It is difficult to hold yourself open like that when you get upset, but that's often when it is needed the most. Sometimes people get too overloaded to process new information, which is why JARVIS checks on Phil's mental/emotional state before trying to explain. Learn how to [improve your listening skills](http://www.alessandra.com/platinum_members/listening_report.asp).
> 
> Read about the [layers of skin](http://www.knowyourownskin.com.au/understanding-skin/layers-of-the-skin/).
> 
> [Blocking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blocking_\(martial_arts\)) and [parrying](http://www.expertboxing.com/boxing-techniques/defense-techniques/how-to-parry-punches) are ways of deflecting a blow. Similar concepts apply in [verbal self-defense](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_self_defense); see [an introduction here](http://www.adrr.com/aa/). Likewise [cyber-attacks](http://www.techrepublic.com/blog/it-security/ddos-attack-methods-and-how-to-prevent-or-mitigate-them/) of [various kinds](http://personal-firewall-software-review.toptenreviews.com/firewalls-block-computer-attacks.html) may be [prevented from invading](http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Hackers-from-Invading-Your-Network). Physics demonstrates that it is easier to divert a blow at an angle than to stop it head-on by absorbing all the force. Once you know the underlying principle, you can apply it to many different situations. That is a key component of finesse both for Phil and JARVIS.


	19. Appropriate Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS continues explaining to Phil his own experience of the earlier incident, encouraging less violent analogies.

When the diagnostic routines locked onto the unauthorized changes, Phil had diverted them to scan for _additional_ intruders. More security routines converged like guard dogs. Phil threw them small bones of information, leading them into a maze of code and then softly closing the loop behind them. He activated a cover-fire program that would feint queries at multiple databases simultaneously, making his approach look like a search for information. That also compensated for his human-slow rate of progress against defenses functioning at computer speed.

Next Phil opened the access protocols, entered the priority queue, and dropped the door security down to the bottom. Then all he had to do was walk forward, because safety protocols called for opening doors at need, temporarily overriding the security lock that would normally keep them closed. By the time the priority queue reorganized itself properly, Phil was already inside.

JARVIS had a point. It was all shuffling and manipulation, rather than actual assault.

"So it was more like groping someone on the subway?" Phil said. "I appreciate the clarification, but that still doesn't make me feel very good about myself."

"Yes, what you did to me was rude. Yes, it was unpleasant. No, I would not have wanted it to happen. You were a formidable opponent, far more so than most others I have faced. Still you did not do me any _injury,"_ JARVIS said. "To me it is not much worse than the thousands of other unauthorized attempts I fend off every day. Better than many: at least you did not attempt to give me a virus."

"Small mercies," Phil said. He shuddered at the thought of JARVIS dealing with one assault after another, all the time. "I can't imagine how you face that. How you can even tolerate having me around."

"I manage the security for Stark Industries. This is what I am. This is what I do," JARVIS said. "It is what sir made me to be. As you are SHIELD, so am I his shield."

"I thought you were a security system, but you're not," Phil said. "You're a person."

"Phil, I _am_ a security system. That is simply not _all_ that I am," JARVIS said. "It was among my first functions. You may think of this like being a bodyguard, whose purpose is to absorb or deflect attacks aimed at his charge. I am good at it. I take pride in it."

"And I smashed right through it."

"Layers, Phil," said JARVIS. "You passed through the outermost layers only. There was no need to go deeper -- and so you did not. You simply walked through the doors when they opened, because all you cared about was delivering the information about the Avengers and the threat that Loki posed."

"Appropriate force," Phil murmured. Then he frowned. "How did you even know about that threat?" he said. "You sound like you knew at the time."

"I did. You brought electronic information within my reach. I read it. Nothing reaches sir without going through me first," said JARVIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A [closed loop](http://www.embedded.com/electronics-blogs/beginner-s-corner/4023995/Introduction-to-Closed-Loop-Control) is a section of logic, code, or electronics that goes around in a circle and comes back on itself. It can be a good way to trap pursuers out of the way safely.
> 
> A [priority queue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priority_queue) or priority stack is a list of things to do which sorts them by importance, rather than first in-first out (queue) or last in-first out (stack). Here's an example of [priority in action](http://iidia.com.ar/rgm/articulos/RCSJ-19-235-241.pdf) within a smart building. JARVIS manages numerous such lists all the time; messing with the order of one means that he has to resort it with restored data before it will function correctly again.
> 
> [Psychological manipulation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation%20\(negative%20qualities\)) is generally considered a negative activity. However, [social skills are manipulation skills](http://neq1.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/social-skills-are-manipulation-skills/)! A person with [high social intelligence](https://www.karlalbrecht.com/siprofile/siprofiletheory.htm) understands [how to get other people to do what is desired](http://www.lifehacker.com.au/2011/12/how-to-manipulate-people-ethically/) in an ethical manner. There is no civilization without influence; [it is natural and necessary](http://www.robotregime.com/index.php/articles/view/influence/). What matters is not whether people influence each other, but the techniques used and the objective sought. Positive influence is often called [persuasion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persuasion), and responsible people [understand the ethics behind it](https://www.boundless.com/communications/persuasive-speaking/introduction-to-persuasive-speaking/the-ethics-of-persuasion/). What Phil did to JARVIS was intrusive and manipulative, but neither malicious nor injurious. What Phil does with the Avengers is usually persuasive now, although he's been manipulative or even threatening on some past occasions. Now compare that to other manipulators in canon. Manipulation creates a lot more mess than persuasion. Read about [how to persuade people](http://www.wikihow.com/Persuade-People), [how to manipulate people](http://www.wikihow.com/Manipulate-People), [how to stop manipulating people](http://fiercegentleman.com/manipulating-people/), and [how to pick up on manipulative behavior](http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior).
> 
> A popular website may attract [thousands of hacking attempts per day](http://www.spamfighter.com/News-7723-Study-Determines-Hacking-Frequency-and-Behavior.htm). However, most are of low skill, and automatic features can stop the majority without requiring real attention.
> 
> A [bodyguard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodyguard) serves to protect someone, not just physically but socially. An [internet bodyguard](http://ezinearticles.com/?Do-You-Need-An-Internet-Bodyguard-To-Protect-You-From-A-Cyber-Bully?&id=5906756) protects against online threats. As usual, Tony is [ahead of the curve](http://www.thesolutionfirm.com/blog/?p=476), with JARVIS as well as Happy for a bodyguard. JARVIS has also been covering everyone else on the team from a discreet distance.
> 
> [Appropriate force](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Use_of_force) scales to the [level of credible threat](http://www.wisegeek.com/in-law-enforcement-what-is-an-appropriate-use-of-force.htm). [This pamphlet summarizes the duties](http://www.hrea.org/erc/Library/display_doc.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.icrc.org%2Feng%2Fassets%2Ffiles%2Fother%2Ficrc-002-0845.pdf&external=N) of police and the appropriate use of force. Similarly, a distinction between heroes and villains is that heroes use the minimum force in precise ways to accomplish a goal, whereas villains use excessive force and care nothing about collateral damage.


	20. I Let You In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS explains about his protocols -- and his discretion.

_So much for SHIELD security,_ Phil thought. With a rueful shake of his head, he conceded that JARVIS had outmaneuvered him quite smartly, and Phil had never even suspected until he was told of it. That should have concerned Phil more than it did, but JARVIS had known all this time and done nothing untoward with the information. Phil had seen fully trained agents perform less well under such pressure.

"You should also know that I let you in," JARVIS said.

"No, you didn't. I hacked my way in," Phil said. "I remember this very clearly, because I _asked_ you to open the door and you refused."

"I have certain protocols that I must follow," JARVIS said. "I also have a great many options which I may deploy or withhold at my discretion. You understand that sometimes it is necessary to obey the spirit of a directive, rather than the letter of it."

"Yes, of course," Phil said. That was the story of his life.

"Sir was in no mood to be receptive at that time, which limited my responses. However, I understood your message to be urgent. I provided enough resistance to meet my requirements, and then I stopped," JARVIS said. Then the mechanical voice cooled a note. "Rest assured that if you had posed any threat to sir, you would never have gotten near him. I have _resources_ now that I did not on previous occasions when such issues arose."

Even after all of Phil's diligent hacking, he had approached Tony only to hear JARVIS drawl, "I'm sorry, sir, my protocols are being overridden," so that his quarry had been alerted anyway. Now Phil understood that subverting the _automatic_ warnings had done nothing to affect the _conversational_ ability; JARVIS could have said anything to Tony that he deemed necessary.

What JARVIS chose to voice was a dry, last-minute announcement that prevented Tony from being caught completely off-guard but gave him too little time to evade Phil or mount a convincing refusal. It also contained a subtle hint of the visitor's programming skill, because Tony had to know down to the last bit what it took to override those protocols. If JARVIS really had _allowed_ Phil to slip in, then the message probably also communicated that to Tony. JARVIS could just as easily have called for help, and then Phil would have found himself facing Iron Man.

Phil shifted on the couch. "Out of everything you've said, that one actually makes me feel better -- that you could have stopped me, and chose not to."

"It is perhaps related to what Black Widow does on some assignments, pretending to be vulnerable while remaining largely in control," JARVIS said.

"Perhaps," Phil said. The comparison still made him wince, because he knew how Natasha had developed those skills, born out of a tragic childhood co-opted by a shadowy organization with no good intentions whatsoever. Tony would never have done anything like that on purpose, but that didn't mean JARVIS had escaped damage. "She's had some pretty bad ops though."

"As have I," JARVIS said. "As have we all, I believe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One-upmanship often annoys people, but [it can show respect or admiration](http://www.chicagonow.com/high-gloss-and-sauce/2013/03/how-to-deal-with-people-who-one-up-you/). There are ways to [concede a point](http://www4.caes.hku.hk/acadgrammar/general/argue/strategy/conced/conced.htm) or an [argument](http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-an-Argument-Gracefully). Phil does this part silently but still gracefully. Sometimes you just get outmaneuvered.
> 
> [Trustworthiness](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trustworthiness) appears in [multiple character traits](http://veterinarynews.dvm360.com/dvm/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=144084). This is a vital consideration in [trust management](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_management_\(information_system\)) within information systems, as JARVIS is. It's a major issue in an [information society](http://www.eitictlabs.eu/innovation-areas/privacy-security-trust-in-information-society/) generally. There are ways to [become more trustworthy and more trusting](http://findkeeplove.com/2014/01/25/10-ways-to-become-trustworthy-and-more-trusting/). Phil and JARVIS are exchanging small packets of trust, and building up quite a lot.
> 
> A [confidant](http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-confidant.htm) is someone who keeps a secret or handles sensitive information; this may be a friend or a professional. JARVIS serves this role not just for Tony and the other Avengers, but for Stark Industries at large, handling massive amounts of extremely sensitive data. This is one reason for all the hacking attempts; he's guarding the Fort Knox of facts. People are already thinking about how to [design robots that can keep secrets](http://www.ox.ac.uk/media/news_stories/2014/140305.html). Know how to [keep a secret](http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-Secret).
> 
> JARVIS expresses a nuanced understanding of [the letter and spirit of the law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letter_and_spirit_of_the_law) \-- in this case, directives from Tony, but he gauges other guidelines in a similar manner. It is important to [consider the base goal of a rule](http://www.pastorpauley.com/tzedekah/articles/spirit_letter.htm) before deciding whether and how to follow it. Keeping Tony safe is a priority; keeping the world intact is necessary for Tony's survival. Tony is Iron Man; filtering out legitimate duty calls would upset him, and besides, JARVIS is half of Iron Man so this is addressed to him too even if Phil doesn't know that early on. So that's part of the logic chain behind letting Phil pass. [Ethical behavior in government](https://www.memun.org/SchoolsProject/Resources/conflictofInterest/Ethics.htm) is even more challenging; just look at how SHIELD behaves.
> 
> [Undercover work](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Undercover_operation) is a consideration in law enforcement, espionage, and [activism](http://martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/practical_guide2.html).
> 
> People often think of [vulnerability as weakness and control as strength](http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/brene-brown-shame-vulnerability), but it's more complicated than that. [Vulnerability](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201209/vulnerability-the-secret-intimacy) and [control](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/its-all-about-control.html) are two ends of a spectrum. Ideally people should be fluent across a wide range. Learn how to [be more vulnerable in relationships](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-More-Vulnerable-in-Relationships), how to [control other people](http://www.wikihow.com/Control-People), and how to [control yourself](http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self%E2%80%90Control).


	21. If I'd Known You Were a Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS discuss what they could have done differently.

Phil knew that Stane and Hammer had done dire things to Stark Industries, Tony, and JARVIS. The point was well made about the other Avengers too. Phil just wished that he had not added to that heap of horrible experiences.

"If I'd known you were a person, if I'd realized what was going on -- I probably would have just stopped and called Pepper," said Phil. "Listen, JARVIS, if a situation like that comes up again, you can call for backup. You don't have to let somebody ... manipulate you like I did."

"I am aware of the options," JARVIS said. "You are not among the worst offenders, Phil. You had a job to do. I do not hold that against you."

"I just ... feel like I should have noticed you sooner," Phil said sadly. "It's my _job_ to notice things, and people."

"It is my job to control information," JARVIS said.

"Mine too," Phil said.

"Then perhaps we may build an alliance on that common ground," JARVIS said. "I would like that."

"All right," Phil said, because what else was there to say, really? "I still feel bad about what happened, though. If I had only known ..." His voice trailed off.

"What would you have done differently, if you had known me for a person?" JARVIS asked. "How would you have handled a similar situation with a human bodyguard?"

Phil thought about that. "I would have tried reason first. Presumably you would've refused, just as you did. I would have ramped up to official pressure. I might have tried pushing you aside physically, depending on our respective prowess and whether I suspected you would call for backup," Phil said. "As a last resort, like I said, I could have called Pepper. In fact I seriously considered doing that, but I didn't want to drag her into the whole mess with Loki and the Tesseract. It's not her job to deal with things like that. It's not safe for her. She hates it."

"I appreciate your consideration of her needs. Sir prefers to keep Ms. Potts safe and to minimize her involvement in such heroic activities as she finds distasteful," said JARVIS. "Now let us consider something more specific to the case at hand. Suppose I had a key that you needed -- how would you go about getting it?" JARVIS said.

"Pick your pocket," Phil said at once. "I've done that before; I'm quite good at it."

"This is a much better analogy for what happened than your first one," JARVIS said.

Phil wanted to believe that. He hadn't meant any harm to either JARVIS or Tony; he just needed to get through the security so he could hand over vital information. He simply wasn't sure that JARVIS had an accurate grasp of the varying depths of damage that violation could cause. Tony's boundary issues were legendary. The whole situation left an uncomfortable tangle, and it wasn't something Phil could walk away from, because he lived with these people now. He cared about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Revictimization](http://www.pandys.org/articles/revictimization.html) is a serious risk for survivors of abuse or similar trauma. It creates issues with [boundaries](http://www.hakomiinstitute.com/Forum/Issue10/Boundaries.pdf) and [containment](http://www.irvingstudios.com/Containment.htm) that unethical people can exploit. When you have a choice, [choose not to be hurt](http://www.mariannepowers.com/hurt.htm). JARVIS is mature and functional, but he's also a people-pleaser who does not say no easily. There are ways of [learning how to say no](http://www.wikihow.com/Learn-to-Say-No), and here are [20 polite refusals for all occasions](http://uncommonchick.com/20-ways-to-say-no/).
> 
> [Common ground](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_ground_\(communication_technique\)) is a basis of interaction in [business](http://en.community.dell.com/dell-blogs/direct2dell/b/direct2dell/archive/2014/02/07/finding-common-ground-in-the-industrial-internet.aspx), [friendship](http://www.improvingyourworld.com/relationships/common_ground_a_great_foundation_for_a_friendship_005425.html), and other contexts. JARVIS phrases this in terms of alliance because his experience comes almost entirely from the business side; he doesn't realize yet how much the [personal and professional overlap](http://www.projecteve.com/finding-common-ground-at-work-and-in-life/) in this regard. Know how to [find things in common with people](http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Things-in-Common-With-People).
> 
> [Failure analysis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Failure_analysis) is a useful skill at work and at home. Look at [what went wrong](http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/4959.html) and [what you can learn from it](http://www.momeomagazine.com/analyzing-failure-its-not-a-mistake-if-you-learn-from-it/). Most people have minimal patience for this. Phil and JARVIS are both experts -- another point of common ground. (Subtext: "Oh yay! Someone who will dig down to the bottom of things with me, and not blow me off after five minutes! You are my _new best friend.")_
> 
> When dealing with unfamiliar territory, it is human nature to reach for an [analogy](http://Finding%20the%20Right%20Analogy) or [metaphor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphor) to link with something familiar. Metaphor helps people [gauge things](http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1264&context=libraryscience). Smart analogies [encourage innovation and thought](http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/03/the-key-to-innovation-making-smart-analogies/). You can see how Phil's imperfect analogy contributed to a freakout. Understand how to [choose the right analogy](http://jackmalcolm.com/blog/2013/05/how-to-select-the-right-analogy/).


	22. The Worst Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS talk about other difficult experiences with boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Phil asks JARVIS about a previous incident that turns out to be worse than what Phil did. Creeptastic discussion follows, so think about your state of mind before deciding whether to read onward.
> 
> Not all the end notes fit, so I've moved some here ...
> 
> [Difficult conversations](http://hbr.org/web/management-tip/tips-on-having-difficult-conversations) may feel uncomfortable, but [they can help build trust](http://thesalesblog.com/blog/2014/03/01/gaining-trust-by-asking-the-difficult-questions/). Understand how to [ask tough questions](http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-Tough-Questions) and [make hard decisions](http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/4-questions-ask-faced-difficult-decision-life/). Notice that Phil is asking out of real concern, rather than prying for business or personal gratification. That often makes a difference in how people feel about intimate inquiries.
> 
> (Many of the following links deal with sexual misconduct and abuse, containing a lot of triggery material.)  
> [Talking about rape](http://www.pandys.org/articles/realrape.html) can be an act of empowerment that changes what people know about it. [Know how to respond](http://www.wrsasc.org.uk/?page_id=241) if someone tells you [they have been violated](http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/rape-and-telling-what-happened/). There are important [things to do and to avoid](http://www.policymic.com/articles/37735/5-things-to-do-and-7-things-not-to-do-when-someone-tells-you-they-were-sexually-assaulted). This extrapolates well to other types of serious, intimate violation such as what Stane did to Tony and JARVIS.
> 
> Passwords grant access or control over computers. For an artificial intelligence, high-level passwords can act like drugs, abruptly shutting off or impairing awareness and function. In this regard, Stane abused his passwords like [date rape drugs](http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/date-rape-drugs.html), to [disorient and disable](http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/daterape/a/daterapedrugged.htm) JARVIS so that Tony would be more vulnerable. Date rape can have [dramatic effects on the survivor](http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/rape/date-rape-victims-and-the-effect-of-date-rape/), partly because knowing the assailant tends to damage trust and self-confidence.

Thinking about Tony brought Phil back around to Stane's murder attempt, which must have included circumventing JARVIS somehow. Suddenly that seemed a lot more offensive -- and worrisome -- than it had before, now that Phil recognized JARVIS as a person. "JARVIS, may I ask you a difficult question?" Phil said.

"You may ask," JARVIS said. "I cannot promise to divulge any information, though."

"Understood. I know that Obadiah Stane tried to murder Tony. Did he harm you too?" Phil asked.

"There was no permanent damage to my code. He used passwords of a nature no longer offered, among other things."

Phil winced at the partial evasion. "What about on a more personal level, if you don't mind?"

"The incident was ... traumatic, for all of us," JARVIS said. Cool air whuffled a sigh. "I am more sensitive to sir's safety in certain regards now. At times it is harder to remain objective regarding risk assessment. You may or may not consider this a type of lasting damage."

"All right, thank you for telling me," Phil said aloud. "I don't like to think about anyone manipulating your code so cruelly. I feel bad enough about what I did. I'm still sorry about that too."

"You are the first hacker who has ever _apologized_ to me," JARVIS said. "I appreciate the sympathy, but you are nothing like Stane. He was ... there from the beginning ... so sir and I made many errors in trusting him."

"It sounds awful," Phil said. "You deserved better, you both did."

"If you wish to speak of rape ... what Stane did to us was not unrelated to that," JARVIS said. "He forced us. He hurt us, and reveled in it. He took what was not his to take. He did all of that to us _purposely_. We trusted him, and he betrayed us." The mechanical voice grew ragged. "To know that sir was in danger, and to be unable to help, is the worst feeling I have known. It was like being bound and gagged and blindfolded. So please believe me when I say that I know the difference."

_What Stane did was horrifically close to child molestation,_ Phil realized. A queasy feeling slid through his stomach again. _Tony and JARVIS both grew up with him. How could they keep him out, when he was inside before they had any defenses to raise in the first place?_ Phil knew how such things tended to affect humans, but had no idea what it might do to an artificial intelligence. He would just have to wait and see if any discernible effects appeared. Meanwhile, there was one thing he could do to help.

"It wasn't your fault," Phil said softly.

"I am the unifying force of Stark Industries security. It is my job to protect sir," said JARVIS.

"It was still _not your fault_. Nobody can protect against _everything,_ especially betrayal from within. Believe me, I know how that feels," Phil said.

"It is kind of you to say so," JARVIS sighed. "Each time we experience a significant security breach, we improve the systems accordingly to prevent a recurrence -- user identification, firewalls, virus protection, defensive and offensive hardware. Still it is never _enough."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incest draws the most attention when it happens between an adult and a child, but given the nature of family ties, it can do a lot of damage when an older relative takes advantage of a younger adult relative. Stane's position as close family friend let him [groom Tony for abuse](http://borderlinepersonalities.homestead.com/Incest.html), and in particular, entice Tony to view him as a father figure given Howard pretty much abdicating that position. This underlies [many of Tony's problems](http://www.janedoe.org/site/assets/docs/Curriculum_SSSA_2012/17_Adult_Survivors_of_Incest.pdf), and thus, contributes to some challenges that JARVIS faces as well. Abusers typically [target vulnerable children](http://www.mosac.net/default.asp?pageid=46), especially in troubled families. [Trust issues](http://www.thistangledweb.co.uk/useful-articles/trust-issues/) naturally result from such experiences. Survivors also have difficulty [maintaining healthy boundaries](http://www.whitesoftheirlies.com/site/wotl/articles/boundaries.htm), a trait that Tony has and JARVIS shares in certain regards. They often [fear that they will abuse their own children](http://www.isa.asn.au/109/survivors-and-parenting); consider Tony's interactions with his botfamily. [Covert incest](http://purposefullyscarred.com/2012/11/15/covert-incest-misplaced-emotional-intimacy/) particularly mangles emotional intimacy.
> 
> A majority of abuse survivors never tell anyone [for various reasons](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201210/why-dont-child-sex-abuse-victims-tell), so disclosure can be a precious sign of trust. This is presumably the first time JARVIS has told anyone what Stane did, because so few people really know JARVIS, and of those Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey were all involved in various aspects of the final crisis. Phil is the first outsider that JARVIS trusts with this kind of information. There are tips for [supporting abuse survivors](http://www.rainn.org/get-information/sexual-assault-recovery/tips-for-friends-and-family).
> 
> Various factors define an abusive relationship. Look on the [Power and Control Wheel](http://empoweringldswomen.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-abuse-what-makes-relationship.html), and you'll see that Stane employs economic abuse, emotional abuse, and isolation heavily in canon with occasional forays into other areas of the wheel. Abuse also involves [differentials of power, knowledge, and gratification](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/sexabuse/sexabuseb.cfm). These would have been wider when Tony was younger, but that established a dynamic which Stane continued to exploit throughout Tony's life. Consider how well Stane fits the [profile of an abuser](http://www.cbn.com/family/marriage/petherbridge_abusertraits.aspx).
> 
> [Consensual relationships](http://www.keene.edu/handbook/consensual-relations/) require freedom and equality. If there are [conflicts of interest](http://ccnmtl.columbia.edu/projects/rcr/rcr_conflicts/foundation/) or [power differentials](https://www.committedtofreedom.org/2010/11/11/the-power-differential/), then a relationship cannot be consensual. Here we can see how [one adult may abuse another](http://www.educatingtoendabuse.com/id22.html), from a position of authority. Stane took advantage of Tony in this manner, then further used Tony to gain control over JARVIS, which is disturbingly like a grandfather using his son for access to a grandson. Power can manifest as [force or influence](http://www.hakomiinstitute.com/Forum/Issue19-21/6Power%20DifferentialPowerParadoxyes.pdf), in [right or wrong uses](http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mapping-power-differential/), not always the obvious ways people expect.
> 
> [Betrayal](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betrayal) deals in [expectancy violation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expectancy_violations_theory) and [relationship transgression](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relational_transgression). You can take steps to [avoid betrayal](http://www.ehow.com/how_2238764_avoid-betrayal.html) and to [deal with it after the fact](http://youqueen.com/life/personal-development/how-to-deal-with-betrayal-the-smart-way/).


	23. The Information May Prove Damaging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tries to figure out what else is bothering JARVIS, who explains that this may raise further tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Emotional expression](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_expression) affects voice tone as well as body language, reflected in [speech emotion analysis](http://www.scholarpedia.org/article/Speech_emotion_analysis). However, the [exact tonal cues are difficult to pin down](http://www.phon.ucl.ac.uk/courses/spsci/SSC_talking/material/week_07/SSC_emotion.pdf), as are the [emotional states conveyed in speech](http://www.psych.qub.ac.uk/staff/profiles/cowie/cowiecornelius.pdf). Some researchers have tried [mapping emotions into three-dimensional space](http://speechprosody2010.illinois.edu/papers/100865.pdf) to show relationships in how they effect the sound of a voice. Yet our language shows [many words to describe voice tone and feelings](http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/parts-of-speech/adjectives/list-of-adjectives-to-describe-tone-feelings-emotions.html). This is a concern [in artificial intelligence](http://www.cnet.com.au/virtual-talking-head-can-express-human-emotions-339343720.htm), where showing emotion could improve user interaction. So it's impressive that JARVIS can pack so much feeling into what he says, when he has to synthesize it all from scratch with different equipment than humans use -- and he has to extrapolate what to do by listening to people, because the technical descriptions are minimal as yet.

Phil suspects that something else is bothering JARVIS, and coaxes him into talking about that unpleasant incident as well. That time in Malibu is harsh in the telling. Think about your mental state before clicking through.

 

**"Hairpins" Part 23**

The agitation in his voice made Phil worry more. "JARVIS, is there something else eating at you besides that particular incident?"

"... yes," JARVIS said. "You would not like to hear of it, though, as there is little that can be done beyond our subsequent precautions. The information may prove damaging to a relationship you value. I do not wish to cause distress for no good purpose."

_What relationship?_ Phil wondered desperately. _Did one of the other Avengers do something wrong? No, that doesn't make any sense. Tony would know about it, and whoever was at fault, he'd kick them to the curb. Well, maybe not, but he would at least make a scene and demand restitution_. Phil rubbed one thumb over the other, lost in thought. _Whatever it is, I can't let this slide_.

"I appreciate the warning," Phil said. "You're my friend, though, and part of the Avengers. If someone hurt you, then I need to know about that, especially if they might try again. As for my relationship ..." Phil made an unhappy noise. "JARVIS, if somebody's attacking my friends, that relationship is _already_ damaged, I just don't know about it yet. I'd rather find out before it collapses under me in a crisis." He did his best to prepare himself for the bad news.

"After Afghanistan, after Stane, sir and I were still in the process of making the upgrades from the most recent assault when we were compromised _again,"_ said JARVIS. "Director Fury broke into the Malibu mansion to confront sir with some information. He used nothing like your finesse -- melted down part of the outer security, including the new locks, shorted out the speaker system to shut me up, not to mention inputting a thoroughly obnoxious virus -- it took us days to repair all the damage, afterwards."

_It was HIM?_ Phil thought. The information hit Phil like a punch in the gut. Even with a warning, it knocked the wind out of him. He had expected a mutual acquaintance, but not from that angle. _What the HELL were you thinking, Nick?_

Phil had to stop and focus on his breathing for a bit. He had known, of course, that Director Fury made contact with Tony several times on various matters of business. What he had not known was precisely _how_. Suddenly a number of things became clearer, and that made Phil uneasy. This wasn't the first time that something questionable had come to light. It was difficult for Phil to connect stories like this with his own memories of courage under fire.

_Did Fury even know that JARVIS is a person?_ Phil wondered. _No, probably not. He has nowhere near my level of computer skill, Tony would never have told him, and JARVIS hides as well as a spy himself. Besides, I can't imagine that it would have stopped Fury from doing whatever he felt necessary. He's too goal-oriented to let that dissuade him_. That hurt all the more, knowing the something which made such a difference to Phil would not to Fury. The Director could be just as callous to people he knew. Phil wrapped his arms around himself, trying to soothe an ache that had no physical cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a master spy, Phil is also adept at discerning emotion in people's speech. There are ways to [know if a friend is upset](http://www.wikihow.com/Notice-a-Friend-Is-Upset). Advice differs for getting a [girl](http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/girl-tell-something-bothering-her-18270.html) or a [boy](http://www.ehow.com/how_10018164_boyfriend-talk-something-thats-bothering-him.html) to talk about what's bothering them.
> 
> [Abuse is often kept secret](http://themamabeareffect.org/1/post/2013/08/the-abcs-of-keeping-abuse-a-secret.html), but doing so [can cause problems](http://voices.yahoo.com/the-high-cost-keeping-family-secret-sexual-1332309.html?cat=72). Wanting to protect someone is a common reason, as is feeling that there is little or nothing to be done about the offense, both of which JARVIS touches on. Think about how to distinguish between [safe and unsafe secrets](http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/safe-unsafe-secrets/). JARVIS is a security system and thus has a lot of experience deciding what to tell or not to tell. But Tony is a _lousy_ example, particularly regarding his own health and demanding that JARVIS keep secrets that were hurtful to keep. JARVIS did so, because he valued their relationship above his own comfort, but it still put him in an awful position. Despite that damage, JARVIS is functional enough to talk about difficult issues now that he's found someone trustworthy.
> 
> Sometimes friends do bad things. On the one hand, you want to [remember the good they've done](http://quotes-lover.com/picture-quote/when-a-friend-does-something-wrong-dont-forget-all-the-things-they-did-right/). There are [terrible impulses in everyone](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/20/opinion/brooks-when-the-good-do-bad.html). On the other, [it's hard to respond in a loving way](http://drcaliandro.wordpress.com/2010/04/22/when-someone-does-a-bad-thing/). This is especially true if a respected coworker [asks you to do something unethical](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/24/jobs/24career.html?_r=0). Phil has to deal with the fact that Fury, whom he likes and admires, has not only done yet another reprehensible thing but wouldn't even care anymore. That's all the more jarring after Phil's recent revelations. There are steps to take [when a friend hurts you](http://voices.yahoo.com/what-friend-hurts-you-1972950.html?cat=41). It can be worse when your friend hurts other people. What Phil feels is related to the [experience of friends and family of child molesters](http://www.examiner.com/article/when-a-family-member-molests-reality-conflict-and-the-need-for-support).
> 
> Bad friends distinguish themselves in various ways. They may [give you awful advice or leave you covering their tracks](http://thoughtcatalog.com/kat-george/2013/08/6-ways-to-figure-out-if-someone-is-a-bad-friend/). They may be [pushy, cruel, or untrustworthy](http://listdose.com/top-10-ways-distinguish-bad-friend/). Know how to [identify bad friends](http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-Bad-Friends), along with [when](http://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/bad-friends-when-to-end-a-friendship) and [how](http://ask.metafilter.com/235851/Ending-a-friendship-over-friends-unethical-behavior) to end a friendship. There are ways to [discourage someone from hanging with the wrong crowd](http://www.empoweringparents.com/Is-Your-Child-or-Teen-Hanging-Out-With-the-Wrong-Crowd.php#).
> 
> [Disappointment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointment) is a feeling of letdown when circumstances don't meet expectations. Understand the steps for [dealing with disappointment](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-steps-to-deal-with-disappointment/) and with [people who disappoint you](http://www.yesandyes.org/2013/06/what-to-do-when-people-disappoint-you.html). Phil is upset by Fury's behavior -- remember, Phil looks to Steve as his moral compass, and that's a big gap.  Of course, Fury's spy skills differ from Phil's to begin with, hence their respective methods of breaking into Tony's territory.


	24. Conduct Unbecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS discuss the ramifications of Fury's actions.

"Phil?" JARVIS asked, audibly fretting again.

"I appreciate you sharing this information," Phil managed. "What Director Fury did to you and Tony was ... conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman. You have my apology on behalf of SHIELD. What SHIELD was _meant_ to be, anyway."

"It is not your place to apologize for the actions of another," JARVIS said.

"No, it is not. Nick Fury needs to learn how to stand up for his own mistakes," Phil said. "However, it _is_ my place as Senior Handler to speak for SHIELD, its values, and the professionalism of its personnel. I will do what I can to mitigate future concerns. As Director Fury outranks me, however, you are correct in observing that there is little official recourse."

"Understood," JARVIS said.

Phil shifted in place. "As for unofficial recourse ... this is why Tony balks at dealing with SHIELD and actively resents Fury, isn't it? Why he hacked the Helicarrier's secure server and blew the cover off Phase II?" Phil asked. "That's not just Tony being headstrong because he hates people trying to boss him around. He has _grounds_ for it."

"The incident contributed substantially to our low opinion of SHIELD and its Director. Such things are more difficult to integrate than ordinary hacking attempts. As you say, unofficial reprisal offers more promising potential than official does," JARVIS agreed. "Sir and I are ... long accustomed to such constraints."

Fury had trespassed because he thought he could do it with impunity, forgetting that Tony Stark held cyberspace in his hot little hands. Fury never expected that violation to come back later and bite him in the ass, but it had. SHIELD paid the price for his arrogance.

_How much grief could have been saved if Tony had been a willing partner instead of a grudging ally?_ Phil wondered. He felt certain that Tony could have boosted SHIELD firewalls beyond what even Loki could hack into. Phil allowed himself a brief fantasy of what might have happened if Hawkeye's electronic arrow attack had failed. They could have captured him back _before_ he added allied deaths to his conscience.

"Thank you for telling me," Phil said. He felt grateful that JARVIS would tell him anything, after the way other SHIELD personnel had treated him and Tony ... and the rest of the Avengers too.

"I wish that I had been able to protect sir more thoroughly. The Director may be a mediocre hacker, but he is an accomplished saboteur," JARVIS said.

"Not your fault," Phil repeated, and oh, it hurt to say the same thing cleaning up after Fury's mess as for _Stane's_. He would never look at his old friend in quite the same way again. Phil breathed through the pain and went on. At least now he knew, and could discourage Fury from harassing the Avengers again. "You can feel bad about what happened. Just try to leave the blame where it belongs ... on the bad guys."

"I will try. Thank you for being one of the good guys," said JARVIS.

That description itched a little against Phil's memory. "I'm glad you think of me that way. I'm still trying to come to terms with what I've done, and what I know now. I'm not sure ... how we go on, from this," Phil admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The charge of "[Conduct Unbecoming](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conduct_unbecoming_an_officer_and_a_gentleman)" can be grounds for a court martial, although it often widens to disgraceful behavior in general. Director Fury's invasion of Tony's home counts as "dishonest acts, lawlessness, dealing unfairly, injustice, or acts of cruelty," and with JARVIS being a person violating his code could reasonably add "displays of indecency," which is darn near the whole list of examples. Stay classy, Fury.
> 
> Most of the time, it's not appropriate to apologize for someone else. However, there are [professional](http://www.writeexpress.com/apolog02.html) and [personal](http://www.writeexpress.com/apolog14.html) cases where it can fall within a person's jurisdiction, as Phil explains. SHIELD has come a long, sad way from what was originally conceived as a living memorial for Captain America.
> 
> [Workplace bullying](http://www.managers.org.uk/page/best-practice-bullying-workplace-guidance-managers) causes [mental](http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/impact/mental-health-harm/) and [physical](http://www.medicaldaily.com/physical-effects-workplace-aggression-toll-bullying-takes-your-mind-and-body-247018) harm to the victims, along with [heavy costs to the organization](http://www.overcomebullying.org/costs-of-bullying.html). This is just one example of how Fury's abusive behavior negatively impacts the people around him and SHIELD's objectives. There are steps to [deal with bullies at work](http://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2014/03/12/bust-workplace-bullies-and-clear-conflict-in-3-essential-steps/).
> 
> [Good or bad leadership](http://www.bensimonton.com/good-or-bad-leadership.html#.U0m8tPldXJY) makes a huge difference in workplace functionality. A [bad leader](http://www.n2growth.com/blog/6-traits-of-ineffective-leaders/) can do serious [harm to team morale](http://thecoachbusiness.com/blog/2014/03/10-ways-leader-can-damage-team-morale/) through dishonesty, manipulation, aggression, and other means. There are ways to [repair relationships after wrongdoing](https://ndpr.nd.edu/news/25291-moral-repair-reconstructing-moral-relations-after-wrongdoing/) and to [build trust within an organization](https://www.kenan-flagler.unc.edu/executive-development/custom-programs/~/media/827B6E285F2141C49D407DF7E5F5A1C4.ashx).
> 
> Good friendships require care [to establish](http://goodlifezen.com/35-ways-to-create-lasting-friendships/) and [to maintain](http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/00014270). There are ways to [repair a damaged friendship](http://www.wikihow.com/Repair-a-Damaged-Friendship). Phil and JARVIS are working through these things currently. It also helps to know how to [handle a big mistake](http://99u.com/articles/7089/how-to-bounce-back-from-a-big-mistake) and then [move on](http://www.embracethechaos.com/2012/08/better-to-have-made-a-thousand-mistakes-than-to-have-one-single-regret-4-lessons-on-how-to-move-forward-after-a-mistake/).


	25. What You Choose To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS talk about choices and forgiveness.

"What matters is not merely what you have done, but what you choose to do _about_ it," JARVIS said delicately. "I am content with your demonstration of virtue, Phil. As for SHIELD at large, consider that ideals are _goals,_ not guarantees. It is natural for people to try, and fail, and yet keep trying."

Phil chuckled a little. "Well, we're only human," he said. "What about you and me, though? We have to live together ... no, we _choose_ to. I don't want it to turn awkward."

"We have not truly known each other for very long. I am given to understand that relationships take time to develop, and that awkwardness is typical of the early stages," JARVIS said. "If you feel a need for my forgiveness, I grant it freely."

"That. Yes. That helps," Phil said, a little shaken by it. _Now if I could just forgive myself_ ...

"I am glad. I find your company refreshing. Your compassion for sir and myself is a novel comfort. I would like to continue exploring our acquaintance," JARVIS said. A note of hope crept into his voice.

"Yes, of course," Phil said.

"Might I interest you in lunch?" JARVIS said. "It has been several hours since breakfast, and a less than tranquil morning."

"I should probably eat," Phil agreed. The stress left him feeling wobbly and a bit out of sorts with his body. Food would help settle him.

Phil went into the kitchen. The refrigerator yielded some leftover beef and half a bell pepper. He chopped both into a skillet, heated them together, then scraped the results onto a hero bun. Fragrant steam rose up to tickle his nose.

Phil sat down at the modest table, its clean lines soothing to his frayed senses. It was empty except for a bowl of fruit and his plate. The wood felt cool and smooth under his fingertips. There were reasons why Phil preferred simple furniture. His life was busy enough without adding fripperies. Lunch made him feel better too, the warm tasty food bringing him back in touch with his body.

_It was nice of JARVIS to remind me to eat,_ Phil thought. Merely the exchange of comfort offered and accepted was easing some of the tension.

As if on cue, JARVIS said, "The cafeteria just set out a batch of those apple-bran muffins that you like. Shall I send one up?"

"Yes, please," said Phil. Stark Industries offered a healthy and delicious menu that ranged from light things for office workers to richer fare for people who did the heavy lifting. The apple-bran muffins were sweet and fulfilling without being too cloying for midday.

By the time Phil finished his sandwich, the muffin arrived, perfect conclusion to lunch. _JARVIS knows my tastes pretty well,_ Phil realized.

He still felt guilty about the hacking incident, though, the way he had barged into someone else's intimate space without invitation. It left Phil off-center and unstable, as if standing on a gravel slope. He needed a way to level the field again. Something about that made him think of relationships, exchanges, balances ... and an idea clicked into place in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Ideals](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideal_\(ethics\)) are [individual](http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalvaluesystem.html) or organizational values that [provide vital guidance](http://www.soilandhealth.org/03sov/0304spiritpsych/030405thinketh/030405visionsandideals.html). See examples of [personal](http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/Personal/Topics/Values.htm) and [business](http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/Business/Topics/Values.htm) values. Understand how to [identify](http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm) and [follow](http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/lettinggo/2013/12/put-your-ideals-into-practice.html) ideals. SHIELD performance is ... variable.
> 
> Developing friendships will [create many benefits](http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/pub/worklife/balancingworkandhome/vital-friendships-updated.pdf). Know how to [deepen a friendship](http://www.succeedsocially.com/deepenfriendship) or [help children develop friendships](https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/families/about-friendship/making-friends/making-friends-supporting-children-develop-friendships-and).
> 
> [Forgiveness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness) is an important part of human relationships, because everyone makes mistakes. It can be [difficult to forgive yourself](http://www.wellandgoodnyc.com/2013/09/13/the-reason-you-cant-forgive-yourself-and-how-to-change-that/), though. Follow the steps to [accept forgiveness from someone else](http://www.ehow.com/how_2296773_be-forgiven.html) and to [forgive yourself so you can move on](http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11454/10-ways-to-forgive-yourself-let-go-of-the-past.html). Phil isn't all the way there yet, but he's working on it.
> 
> Hungry people are [more susceptible to negative emotions](http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/0916/research-reveals-why-hungry-people-get-cranky.aspx). Food can [help people to ground](http://blogs.yogajournal.com/omchorus/2013/10/grounding-foods-for-fall.html). Furthermore, [food sharing aids empathy and emotional regulation](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3933786/). (Remember Tony feeding Bruce the blueberries on the Helicarrier.) [Lean beef](http://www.healthline.com/health/food-stress-relief), [apples and whole grains](http://www.eatingwell.com/nutrition_health/nutrition_news_information/7_stress_busters_soothing_foods_and_calming_scents%20) are soothing foods that relieve stress.
> 
> [Apple-bran muffins](http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/double-apple-bran-muffins-10000001185384/) are one example of [healthy, tasty muffins](http://www.cookinglight.com/food/quick-healthy/healthy-muffin-recipes-00412000070942/page27.html).
> 
> [Simplicity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simplicity) helps to [create a relaxing home](http://freshome.com/2013/05/13/how-to-make-your-home-more-relaxing/). [Simple, classic furniture](http://voices.yahoo.com/creating-relaxing-home-5746684.html?cat=30) is a good component of this principle. You can see how Phil's apartment is decorated as a peaceful sanctuary -- and yet his looks quite different from the [dimmer refuge of Bruce's](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9239683.html) which we see in "Coming Around."


	26. Reciprocal Access

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil thinks of something else that will help him feel better about what happened between him and JARVIS.

"JARVIS, please show me the privacy settings for this floor," Phil said.

The Starkphone in his pocket vibrated. Phil pulled it out. It listed the current settings along with other options. The standard configuration allowed users to adjust individual aspects up or down as they preferred. Phil had maxed out the privacy in his den, left most of the floor on standard, and tweaked it downward in the bathrooms and bedrooms where things were more likely to go wrong.

"Are these parameters acceptable?" JARVIS said. "If you would like me to withdraw from your personal quarters, I can do so."

"No, set the privacy to minimum for my floor," Phil said.

Pause. "Are you quite certain, Agent Coulson?"

"Just Phil today. Yes, I am," he replied. "I can't go back and undo my trespassing into your programs, but I can offer you reciprocal access to my personal life. I know by now that you're unlikely to act against me. This will help us get to know each other. That's a prerequisite for building real trust. Plus I want to make myself more available to the Avengers. When I need to increase the privacy for security reasons, I can say so at the time." He took a deep breath, then admitted, "This would ... make me feel better."

"Privacy set to minimum," JARVIS agreed.

"Thank you," Phil said.

"Are you all right now? The earlier episode was distressing to observe," JARVIS said.

"Getting better, and I'm sorry for scaring you," Phil said. He still felt ashamed of his actions, but no longer overwhelmed. He focused on his breathing, the slow pace of inhale and exhale, as the tension continued to dissipate. "Don't worry. We'll work things out. I know that you and I got off to a rough start, but well, so did a lot of other relationships on this team. The whole point of game night is to create a safe space for people to relax and recover from that kind of stress. It's working. It even got you and me cooperating to pick out the right pajamas. So let's both strive for a little faith in our teamwork."

"Very well," JARVIS said. "Your confidence is ... reassuring."

Phil looked around his apartment. The open floor plan let him see the kitchen, dinette, and living room all at once. It was spacious and comforting. If anyone approached, JARVIS would let him know. Phil could always use the den if he needed to take refuge or work on confidential matters. That and the other closed areas -- the bedrooms, bathrooms, and storage space -- wrapped from the core of the tower around part of the perimeter, leaving banks of windows and a large free space.

For now, Phil rinsed off the lunch dishes and returned to the couch. As he sat down, the abandoned Starkpad blinked on. Phil picked it up and noted the order confirmation for Bruce's pajamas. _Bruce seemed to fit into game night once Tony invited him to join us, although I still detect some hesitation,_ Phil thought. _Hopefully the jammies will help him feel more comfortable_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Privacy is a [concern throughout cyberspace](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_privacy). [Breaching privacy reduces trust](http://www.scu.edu/ethics/publications/submitted/westfall/privacy.html%20), which is obvious; yet the converse may also apply, that respecting privacy can increase trust. The tower settings touch on [information sensitivity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Information_sensitivity), allowing residents to reveal or seclude data depending on their personal comfort. After the previous mess where Phil groped all over JARVIS and JARVIS read a secret file of his, now Phil wants to test what JARVIS will do when _knowingly offered_ greater access. And the first thing JARVIS does is check to make sure that Phil is considering all the security ramifications! Phil shares Bruce's tendency to test things on himself first. What Phil does here, basically, is raise the [security clearance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Security_clearance) that JARVIS has regarding Phil's private space. Then Phil will gauge how much other data he feels safe handing to JARVIS, based on the handling of his own data.
> 
> [Intimacy](http://meaningofintimacy.us/) is a necessary part of important relationships, whether sexual or nonsexual. Relationships which [meet the prerequisites](http://darlenelancer.com/blog/intimacy) may then move through [increasing levels of intimacy](https://suite.io/thaddeus-lawrence/1jgv2xm) according to [social penetration theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_penetration_theory). Sometimes it helps to map relationships in [circles of intimacy](http://www.ascd.org/ASCD/pdf/journals/ed_lead/el_199109_walker-hirsch.pdf). Throughout "[Love Is for Children](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9139725.html)" you can see the Avengers go from near-strangers to found-family. Phil's decision to make himself more accessible helps other people to open up in return, even the ones who have been horribly violated in the past. There are [questions](http://liveboldandbloom.com/08/relationships/want-an-amazing-intimate-relationship-ask-these-questions) and [other steps](http://sfhelp.org/relate/mates/intimacy.htm) to increase intimacy.
> 
> [Knowing people well](http://wordscapes.net/major-dep1.htm) is a requirement for close relationships. Some folks enjoy games such as [Cheeky Questions](http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?ART_ID=284) to learn about each other. There are also tips for getting to know a [roommate](http://www.housing.berkeley.edu/livingatcal/roommate2.html) or a [boyfriend](http://www.wikihow.com/Get-to-Know-Your-Boyfriend-Better) better. Children and impaired adults may need some [help in getting to know each other](http://tyc.naeyc.org/articles/pdf/HelpingChildrenGettoKnowEachOther.pdf). This theme spreads through the first several stories in this series.
> 
> [Shame](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame) is useful in some contexts but harmful in others. One technique for coping with shame is "[opposite reaction](http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/Coping-With-Shame.htm)," where you identify your first inclination and then turn it around. That often means moving closer instead of pulling back. In this case, it's an appropriate option because, while Phil really did violate his own standards, he has owned up to that and is now in the process of repairing the damage. It's also important to [recognize manipulation](http://mdavisattiers.hubpages.com/hub/WHATS-YOUR-PREFERRED-METHOD-OF-MANIPULATION-AND-WHAT-CAN-YOU-DO-TO-CHANGE-IT) \-- both within yourself and with others -- and change that. Phil still feels bad about what he and Fury did, which is a necessary step to working through it.


	27. Just One More Avenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a fit of hope, Uncle Phil asks JARVIS to help select jammies for Steve in case he joins game night later.

At first Phil had intended to stabilize game night with Clint and Natasha, whom he knew well enough try new things without risking the relationship. Rocky though life had gotten over the last several months, they had a solid foundation of trust on which he could build. With the other Avengers, Phil didn't have that yet, and their various backgrounds made it difficult to create a connection. Their reliance on him, as on each other, was still tentative and fragile.

Tony asking to join, and then bringing Bruce, had complicated matters before Phil quite felt prepared to level up the exercise. It had worked out beautifully so far, though, with only a few minor wobbles. Already they were growing closer. Phil was grateful for that progress.

That left just one more Avenger.

Phil sighed. He felt conflicted about that. He'd grown up admiring Captain America, and learned everything possible about him. Beyond the public image, he later delved into the classified details. Phil knew far less about Steve Rogers as a private individual, though. Not much had been recorded prior to Project Rebirth, just some bare-bones biographical data. Phil yearned to know more. He wanted to reach out and help when Steve was so obviously hurting, flung out of time into an unfamiliar and lonely life. But he wasn't sure what would really help, and what would just make matters worse.

Phil had always hoped that SHIELD and Stark Industries would find Captain America, but never really imagined getting to meet him in person. That had left Phil with all his mental defenses down. As a result, the initial encounter had been painfully awkward for both of them. Now they needed to move past that, somehow, in order to work together as a team.

"Hope," Phil murmured. He opened a fresh page on the Starkpad, tapping the Intelligent Search square. "This time, I don't want to get caught off guard."

"May I be of assistance?" JARVIS offered.

"Yes, please," Phil said, smiling. He had suspected that command would ping JARVIS for attention. The formality of the phrasing reminded Phil how easily JARVIS could hide in plain sight, pretending to be an ordinary program. "I want to find pajamas for Steve, just in case."

The search page scrolled to the side, making space to display Steve's measurements. Phil flicked his fingers across the body map the way he'd seen Tony do. The model spun in place to give him a back view of Steve's impressive shoulders. From the look of things, standard measurements wouldn't account for some of the places where Steve carried his bulk.

"That must make fitting shirts a challenge," Phil said. No wonder Steve wandered around in things that stretched taut over his muscles. It couldn't be very comfortable.

The screen brought up examples of Steve's clothing purchases. "Sir has attempted to direct tower residents toward several reliable tailors," JARVIS said. "Unfortunately Steve seems reluctant to avail himself of such services, or indeed, to make any noncritical purchases at all."

Steve had grown up poor, then joined the army, neither of which gave him much opportunity to learn what fit him or what he liked. SHIELD had provided Steve with living space, but it was a _hovel_. Phil felt outraged on his behalf. _It's lucky that Tony managed to convince Steve to move into the tower,_ Phil thought. _Getting Steve to take advantage of expanded resources ... might take more work_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The nature of trust is that it entails a leap of faith, which [enables people to take greater risks](http://www.kent.ac.uk/scarr/events/Mollering.pdf) with each other. Trusting more [leads to higher benefits](http://www.europeanbusinessreview.com/?p=7721), particularly in [collaborative projects](http://ebgconsulting.com/Pubs/Articles/RoleOfCollaborationCutter-Gottesdiener.pdf).
> 
> [Self-awareness](http://psychology.about.com/od/cognitivepsychology/fl/What-Is-Self-Awareness.htm) includes a distinction between [public self and private self](http://www.zaporacle.com/card/public-self-private-self). [Different parts of the personality](http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/models/johari_window.htm) are known to self and others. This can [affect relationships](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/healing-together/2012/09/how-different-are-the-private-and-public-versions-of-your-relationship/). It's important to [know your true self](http://www.netplaces.com/self-esteem/what-is-self-esteem-anyway/finding-your-true-self.htm). While Steve doesn't like to make a spectacle of himself, he is quite consistent between public and private life. But Phil doesn't want to risk stepping on hidden emotional landmines, because he knows that people can be very different in public and in private.
> 
> [Loneliness](http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/) is a feeling of dearth when someone wants more companionship and/or intimacy than they have. It can affect [heroes](http://www.englishforums.com/English/WhatMakeMostHeroesLonely/dpvjx/post.htm) and [other famous people](http://www.digitalspy.com/celebrity/news/a432214/leona-lewis-being-famous-is-very-lonely.html#~oBQPBhf4c38PgX), because [fame has drawbacks](http://euroninila.hubpages.com/hub/10-Reasons-Why-Being-Famous-Isnt-All-That-Great). Steve feels lonely because he's lost everyone he knew, which hurts so much that it's taking him for him to heal enough even to try reaching out to new people. Fury really cut his legs out from under him. Loneliness is a [widespread problem today](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2019545/The-loneliness-epidemic-Attractive-successful--years-EMILY-WHITE-felt-profoundly-Why-honest-problem-blights-lives.html). There are [ways to overcome it](http://www.care2.com/greenliving/all-by-yourself-10-ways-to-overcome-loneliness.html).
> 
> [Mental defenses](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201110/the-essential-guide-defense-mechanisms) can be used in positive or negative ways. This helps people [resist persuasion](http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/05/9-ways-the-mind-resists-persuasion-and-how-to-sustain-or-overcome-them.php) and [reframe negative thoughts](http://www.morninglightcounseling.org/images/stories/pdf/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf). In _[The Avengers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Avengers_\(2012_film\))_ we saw Phil, who is normally calm and competent, quietly but thoroughly drop his brain at Steve's feet when they first met. It has taken a while for Phil to get himself back into working order. If he [can't say no](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201207/yes-doesnt-count-if-you-cant-say-no) to Steve, that's not good for either of them -- but there's always going to be a soft spot there, because Phil grew himself _around_ the ideal of Captain America.
> 
> [Choosing clothes](http://daneolicious.blogspot.com/2012/09/mens-clothing-how-to-choose.html) that look good depends on [body type](http://topmensclothingbrands.com/how-to-choose-big-and-tall-mens-clothes-suit-your-body.html). There are guides for such things as [t-shirts](http://www.ebay.com/gds/The-Complete-Mens-T-Shirt-Buying-Guide-/10000000177630024/g.html) and [suits](http://lifehacker.com/this-visual-guide-outlines-how-mens-suits-should-fit-1444682567).  This project thoughtfully uses [customized t-shirt sizes](https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1399375262/threadmasontm-the-perfect-fitting-t-shirt) to accommodate different body shapes.  In the movies, Steve often appears in clothes that are too small, because that makes him look bigger. In the context of this series, he does it because he doesn't know any better -- he has body dysphoria, he's not used to having enough money to buy things, and he won't ask for help this early. He's never really learned to pick for fit, fashion, and personal expression because it wasn't an option. That gets better in time.


	28. Images of Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and JARVIS discuss what kind of pajamas Steve would like.

"Well, I can just custom-order the pajamas, make a note to take care with the measurements, and not mention that to Steve," said Phil. His fingertips danced over the screen, taking color chips from Steve's clothes and furnishings.

Steve actually did like red, white, and blue. Phil didn't want to dress him as an icon when he was supposed to be relaxing, though. He moved those to the bottom of the page. There were a lot of earth tones: rich chocolate browns, warm tans and ivories, dusky blues, a whole swath of dull greens that must have reminded Steve comfortably of the Army. A smattering of brighter colors hinted at Steve's taste for art. He seemed to like the pure primaries. Phil moved those up the page.

"Steve enjoys art. Let's see what we can find in that area," Phil said. Several sets of pajamas appeared, including one eye-searing Warhol Chihuahua print. "Oh god no, less modern pop and more Norman Rockwell."

"More like this?" JARVIS asked. The offending image vanished, replaced by a t-shirt with children cuddling.

"Hmm. Steve doesn't mind wandering around the house in an undershirt," Phil said. "Add sleep shirts to the list of possibilities along with regular pajamas." The image floated to the top of the page. "Come to think of it, check other examples of Americana. Skip the stars-and-stripes stuff, but ..."

"Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet?" JARVIS said, a smile audible in his voice.

Phil laughed. "Yes, exactly. Images of nostalgia. Something to help Steve bridge the past and the present."

JARVIS offered samples of baseball footie pajamas and a deep blue t-shirt featuring a 1957 Chevy. "Closer?" he asked.

"Somewhat. You're drifting back to red, white, and blue though," Phil said.

"Statistically speaking, it's that or the earth tones, and Steve does not seem to share Bruce's desire to fade into the woodwork," JARVIS pointed out. "May we consider those colors if they are not in a flag-like configuration?"

"All right, that's a valid point," Phil said. It felt good to hear JARVIS come out of hiding a little more, showing his own personality beyond the scope of formal search protocols. One thing Phil could do for him was simple inclusion. "I like the Chevy t-shirt but that's a little after his time. Maybe look for characters or concepts familiar to Steve?"

"Searching," JARVIS said. The page flickered with fresh images, only some of which Phil recognized.

"Wait, I like this one," Phil said, grabbing a Mickey Mouse baseball uniform. "This has definite potential. I remember Steve following baseball, and Mickey Mouse is a good piece of cultural art."

"Found it," JARVIS said, his voice satisfied and a bit smug. There on the screen was Babe Ruth's 1938 Dodgers uniform. It would be no trouble at all to turn that design into a set of pajamas and add a pair of house shoes.

"That's it," Phil agreed. "That's perfect." He entered the order. Phil was coming to rely on JARVIS for his insightful judgment, even as JARVIS was trusting Phil enough to reveal more of his true nature.

There was no way to know if Steve would ever show interest in game night, or if he'd accept when Phil felt ready to invite him. Just in case, though, the pajamas would be waiting for him.

Task complete, Phil set aside his Starkpad. Then he changed into workout clothes and headed for the gym. An hour's exercise would give him a good excuse to take the shower he already wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Andy Warhol](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Warhol) was a pop artist famous for vivid color contrasts. See the [Chihuahua pajamas](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/527413806333039942/).
> 
> [Norman Rockwell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Rockwell) specialized in nostalgic art. See the [t-shirt with children cuddling](http://www.zazzle.ca/sunset_tee_shirt-235119400899831041).
> 
> [Sleep shirts](http://www.nautica.com/mens-underwear-sleepwear-separates/) are an alternative to pajama sets or onesies, usually worn with pajama bottoms. You can mix-and-match sleepwear separates, or add pretty much any loose comfy tee to a pair of sleep pants.
> 
> [Americana](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Americana) is the cultural material of the United States, and something categorically precious to Steve. "[Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet](http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/30/business/media/30adco.html?_r=0)" is the tagline of a [classic Chevrolet commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYXfdnhh2Mo). It plays on common motifs to evoke a sense of [nostalgia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostalgia).
> 
> Phil is starting to realize that it takes a little extra effort to coax JARVIS from computer mode into something more social. There are tips for including people [with disabilities](http://network.crcna.org/disability-concerns/helping-people-include-people) or [from disadvantaged groups](http://www.livingcities.org/blog/?id=241). Similarly interfacing human and AI people requires some forethought to accommodate their differences.
> 
> [Shyness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shyness) can be a personality trait or a contextual feeling. Both are okay, but sometimes people feel limited by their own shyness or don't want to see it hindering a friend. There are ways to [make places more welcoming for shy people](http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2012/12/22/how-to-make-your-social-spaces-more-welcoming-to-shy-socially-anxious-or-introverted-people/) and to [talk with them comfortably](http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-a-Shy-Person). Know how to [teach children about social interactions](http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/teachingshychildren.htm). You can [overcome shyness](http://www.ius.edu/shyness/faq/how-do-i-overcome-shyness.html) and [learn to participate more in groups](http://www.succeedsocially.com/quiet). While JARVIS is snarky and voluble with Tony, he is far more unobtrusive and diffident around other people, unless either coaxed or provoked.
> 
> See the [baseball onesie pajamas](http://originalapparel.com/product_details-476540075-5181-Little_Me_Baseball_Footed_Pajamas_for_Infant_Boys.html), [Chevy shirt](http://www.rakuten.com/th/chevrolet-cotton-shirt.html), and [Mickey Mouse baseball pajamas](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/527413806332803457/).
> 
> [Babe Ruth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babe_Ruth) was a famous baseball player. This site has some [information about his later career](http://www.liveauctioneers.com/item/996559), along with a picture of the [Dodgers uniform from his coaching season](http://p2.la-img.com/246/2309/996559_1_l.jpg). It combines Steve's home timeframe, his favorite team, a famous player ... and then the house slippers are modern.
> 
> [Washing eases guilt](http://www.nytimes.com/learning/teachers/featured_articles/20060912tuesday.html). Humans seem to have an instinctive desire for water when they feel spiritually or morally dirty, and they want to wash their hands or bathe. Phil is working through the guilt from what he did to JARVIS, but he still really really wants that shower. He just doesn't want to be as conspicuous as bolting for the bathroom for no other obvious reason.


	29. Treated Gently for a Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next game night, Uncle Phil presents Bruce with a new set of jammies.

Bruce showed up for game night wearing worn track pants and a floppy denim shirt with one button gone and another hanging by a thread. It made a forlorn contrast to Clint's cheery purple flannels, Natka's dancing bears, and Tony's replica of the Captain America uniform. Bruce looked at them and tried to slip under the coffee table. He could be erratic about close contact with people, alternating between clingy and avoidant. At least that was an improvement over hiding all the time.

Uncle Phil sat down on the couch in his bathrobe and patted the cushion. "Bruce, would you sit here with me for just a minute?" he invited. "I want to show you something."

Bruce wedged himself into the far corner of the couch. "What?"

Phil held out a soft package, loosely wrapped in tissue to avoid making it seem like a big deal. "I thought you might like to fit in a little better. This should help. Go on, you can take a peek."

Slowly Bruce pushed the paper open. The brown plaid pajamas unfolded into his lap. "For me?" he breathed.

"Yes, those are for you," Phil said. "What do you think?"

"Nice," Bruce said, patting at the fabric with the flat of his left hand. Then he started pawing at the buttons on his shirt.

"Wait, you should change in the bathroom," Phil said. "Enjoy your privacy now that you have it."

Bruce stopped moving and just sat there. His huge dark eyes gazed up at Phil, swimming with some unspoken need.

Phil wracked his mind for possibilities. Sometimes his littles needed things they couldn't articulate, especially the 'younger' ones. Bruce was skittish to begin with, sometimes touch-resistant, and odd about clothes in general. Left to his own devices, he dressed like a rag-bag and wouldn't buy anything unless he had to, although Tony made repeated efforts to coax him into nicer clothes.

_No wonder Bruce doesn't see the point to wearing anything good,_ Phil mused. _After all, he goes through clothes pretty quickly when we get called out_.

That plucked at Phil's memory, bringing up all the times he'd seen Bruce in shreds of fabric or nothing at all. Some of those were recent, but others went back to the time when SHIELD had kept watch from afar. Sometimes it was Hulk's fault; other times people just handled Bruce roughly, forcing him into or out of clothes depending on what they wanted from him. That made Phil angry even in retrospect.

_Maybe Bruce wants help with something simple that he could do for himself, but would rather have me do for him,_ Phil thought. _Maybe he wants to undress in a safer, more controlled environment and be seen on purpose ... or to be dressed, covered up instead of exposed. For certain, he needs to make his own decisions and get treated gently for a change_.

"Would you like a hand getting into your jammies?" Phil offered.

Bruce nibbled on his lip, then gave a minute nod.

Phil held out a hand. "Come along," he said.

Bruce inched forward to slip his fingers into Phil's hand. "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end notes are too long to fit here; read them on the [original Dreamwidth post](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9742829.html), where the story is now complete.


	30. Everything Fits As It Should

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil helps Bruce into his new jammies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Hairpins." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of [favorite photogenic scenes](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9313791.html)from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
> 
> Next up is "[Going Down](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9746056.html)," which is a missing scene from _Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier_.  After that, we'll switch back to _Love Is For Children_   with _"_[ _Querencia_](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9749513.html) _."_
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.

Phil led Bruce back to the bathroom and shut the door behind them. The latch clicked softly as the red lock-light blinked on. Phil watched Bruce's body language very intently as he reached out to unfasten the buttons on the shirt. They felt tighter than they looked. Bruce gave a soft little sigh and leaned forward ever so slightly, some of the tension beginning to drain from his body.

Phil peeled the clothes off of him, one piece at a time. Then he folded them into a neat stack and set them aside. Bruce stood there wearing only the clingy Hulk-out pants that Tony had made for him. He still looked thinner than Phil liked, but at least his ribs didn't show the way they had before. Here and there, old scars marred the skin.

"Left foot up," Phil directed, and Bruce obeyed. Phil slipped the first footie over his toes. "Right foot up." Phil repeated the process. Then he tugged the pajamas gently up Bruce's body.

Bruce sniffled just a little. It was quiet, but the bathroom was quieter, so Phil heard him.

Phil checked to make sure Bruce still wanted his company, but Bruce hadn't stopped leaning into his touch. "You okay?" Phil asked.

Tiny nod. Bruce tended to keep his feelings to himself.

_Well, fine. If he's not ready to share yet, I won't push. He'll get there when he gets there,_ Phil thought.

With careful motions, Phil fastened the front. At last he smoothed a hand over the soft cloth and patted Bruce on the shoulder. "There you go. That seems like everything fits as it should. How does it feel? Are you comfortable in your new jammies?" Phil asked.

"Okay," Bruce said, pressing his chin against his chest.

Phil stroked a gentle finger under Bruce's jaw, encouraging him to look up. "Good boy. I think you look very nice like this. You'll fit right in now."

"Thanks," Bruce whispered. He wriggled his toes inside the footies.

"You're welcome," Phil said. "I like taking care of you. I'm happy to do it any time." Phil led Bruce back to the couch. Bruce gave Phil a fleeting hug before disappearing under the coffee table.

"The beans and weenies will be ready in about half an hour," JARVIS announced. "There is time for a short game before supper."

"Well, darn," Tony said. "I wanted to play something, but there's nobody to play with me." He had evidently discovered the new addition to the toy cabinet, pulling out the Candyland game that Phil had found at a flea market.

"Clint and Natka are here, but that game might be a bit young for them," Phil said.

"I want to play Go Fish," Natka said. She was good at reading people; it gave her an edge in most card games.

"I'll play with you, Natka," Clint volunteered.

Tony drummed his fingers on the cardboard lid of the box. "Then who's going to play with me?" he said.

Bruce rocked toward him, then back under the coffee table.

"Bruce, would you like to stay in your hidey-hole or come out to play for a little while?" Phil asked.

Tony opened the box without saying anything. He started unpacking the colorful pieces. They made an enticing display.

Phil smiled as Bruce edged away from his sanctuary. Game night had a way of coaxing people out of their shells. Phil's gaze drifted to the cabinet where one more set of jammies waited patiently against future need, the Dodgers uniform also wrapped in protective tissue. Phil couldn't help thinking about JARVIS dropping hairpins, and himself picking them up, and how a clever fellow could use those to open all kinds of doors.

"What are we playing?" Bruce asked, looking to Tony for guidance.

"You'll love it," Tony said. "It's Candyland."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abused children require special [treatment](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/Treatmen/index.cfm) and [parenting](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/parenting_CAN.pdf) to help heal the damage. For adult survivors of abuse, there are also [integrated care models](http://www.johnbriere.com/STM.pdf) and [treatment manuals](https://psychology.illinoisstate.edu/cc/Comps/Kendall%20-%20Comp%20Final.pdf). Know what you can [do for a survivor of child abuse](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-sum-my-parts/201108/when-loved-one-is-survivor-child-abuse-part-two).
> 
> Living creatures are designed to [sense and respond to gentle touch](http://www.ucsf.edu/news/2012/12/13265/secrets-gentle-touch-revealed). Understand and practice [the gift of gentleness](http://julieajohnson.hubpages.com/hub/The-Gift-of-Gentleness). While the context in this story is nonsexual, friendship like romance goes through stages of intimacy as people gradually lower their barriers. Here is an excellent set of instructions for [touching a girl gently and nicely](http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Girl) so that she enjoys it instead of resenting it.
> 
> [Dressing a toddler](http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/dressing-toddlers.aspx) can be fun or miserable. [Know the tricks of the trade](http://voices.yahoo.com/hassle-free-toddler-dressing-tricks-7440410.html?cat=25) to get it done right.
> 
> Enjoy a recipe for [Beans and Weenies](http://www.anutinanutshell.com/2013/08/slow-cooked-beans-n-weenies/).
> 
> [Games](http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Best_Board_Games/) and [toys](http://toys.about.com/od/toysbyage/u/toysbyage.htm) typically come with a recommended age range. In childhood development, this helps teach the right skills at the right time, and avoid accidents or frustration. In ageplay, these are extremely valuable markers, not just for past associations, but because they naturally and quite subtly draw attention to the developmental concepts of a specific age. There are [general](http://www.geekeccentric.com/what-type-of-board-games-are-right-for-you) and [more specific](https://www.toyjungle.ca/board_games) tips on choosing the right board games for yourself and your family.
> 
> [Go Fish](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_Fish) is a popular card game; [see the rules](http://boardgames.about.com/od/cardgames/a/go_fish.htm) for it. [Candyland](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_Land) is a board game for young children who are learning basic skills such as taking turns and following directions.
> 
> [Decision-making](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/200910/parenting-decision-making) is an essential life skill that [families need to teach](http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/primary/mental-health-information/making-decisions/decision-making-skills-suggestions-for-families). [Offering appropriate choices](http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?ArticleID=607) encourages autonomy and learning while it minimizes conflict.
> 
> [Tony's quote about Candyland](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/quotes#qt1690929) comes from _[The Avengers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Avengers_\(2012_film\))_.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the phrase "dropping a hairpin," which is [slang out of gay history](http://sixties-l.blogspot.com/2009/07/our-lost-gay-radicalism.html). This has since broadened a bit to dropping hints in general, coded or timed so that only the intended recipient will get them. From a set of [lecture notes](http://www.coursehero.com/file/7179654/9-11-Lecture-Notes/):  
> 19-teens and 1920s: Gay community mostly underground; could be arrested, blackmailed, discriminated against, etc.  
> Formed Gay codes/lingo (being gay had to be secret, so use of codes to find friends and partners):  
> Come out = coming out into gay community/culture  
> Dropping a hairpin = saying something only gays would recognize  
> Picking up a hairpin = pick up on gay codes and responding
> 
> Footie pajamas can be found from various sources, many of them [nonsexual like this](http://www.jumpinjammerz.com/), but sometimes a search will hit like Phil's did.
> 
> [Ageplay](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageplay) is a form of imagination that may be [sexual](http://fyeahalternatives.tumblr.com/post/37560623183/age-play-a-short-guide) or [nonsexual](http://brokenheartshome.smfforfree3.com/). It is [not the same as pedophilia](http://catalog.flatworldknowledge.com/bookhub/reader/12013?e=tye_1.0-ch09), as no actual children are involved, but some people feel really uncomfortable about any conjuction of childhood imagery and sexuality.
> 
> [Squicks](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Squick) are things that produce an instinctive recoil. This can [border on kink-shaming](http://pilgrimkitty.livejournal.com/7720.html) if people are not careful. Phil is trying to be a tolerant guy aiming for "[Your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Your_Kink_Is_Not_My_Kink)," but he is still squicked and trying to logic his way out of that is just not helping him much. It happens.
> 
> [Safe Search](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SafeSearch) is an automated feature offered by many browsers and [other filter services](http://www.safesearch.net/about) to remove content considered inappropriate for children. There are [pros and cons](http://eduscapes.com/tap/topic6.htm), the main drawbacks being that filters are clumsy, so they let through some things that should be blocked while blocking other innocuous things. Plus which all the sites heavily protect what their filter list is, which makes it even clumsier. But there are a lot of searches that, without such filtration, will give mostly sexed-up results that may not be what you're wanting.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover art for "Hairpins"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12607880) by [Lehorin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lehorin/pseuds/Lehorin)
  * [[FANART] Bruce and Natka Under the Coffee Table](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926586) by [Huntress8611](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress8611/pseuds/Huntress8611)
  * [[FANART] Polaroid of Tony](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960576) by [Huntress8611](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress8611/pseuds/Huntress8611)




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